Posts Tagged ‘Ottawa Senators’

Linkshare day

September 6th, 2010

Happy Labour day to everyone in Canada and the United States. Today’s post will be a short one. I’ve spent most of the weekend catching up on errands like grooming my wiener dog and trying to rewatch all three seasons of my favourite show ever, Veronica Mars. (These errands may or may not be serious…)

First and foremost, Matt from ViewFromMySeats.com has begun his division preview-blogger roundtable for the upcoming NHL season. If you recall, last year’s blogger roundtable was a ton of fun despite every blogger looking like an idiot for being so wrong. For some crazy reason, Matt asked me to contribute my thoughts about the Ottawa Senators and how they will fare this year (again – I know. Matt, buddy, learn from your mistakes the first time! ). That’s a joke… but I will receive a phone call for that one. Anyways, here’s a quick preview to make you want to read the whole thing… please do:

… I’m looking to Jason Spezza to have a great bounce-back season. Last season’s 57 points in 60 games was an off year for Spezza, which fuelled all kinds of ridiculous E5-type rumours from our favourite sports-tabloid blogger…

Click here to read it all.

Secondly, have you ever heard of DownGoesSpezza? No puck-bunnies, I didn’t say “Going Down On Spezza.” To all of Jason’s haters (and there are lots), I also didn’t say “Down On Spezza.” DownGoesSpezza is a Flyers blog that makes fun of the Flyers (nice), run by a pretty cool dude (very nice) and is a funny read (super nice). The other day DGS wrote a “Part 2″ of my recent post, “What kind of hockey player are you?” Here’s an excerpt:

The Houdini Defensemen: This guy always seems to pull a disappearing act, especially when in the Defensive Zone.
NHL Examples: Mike Green, Tomas Kaberle, Lukas Krajicek, The Boston Bruins after the 1st period of Game 7 against the Flyers.

Click here to read the full post.

And now I’d like to turn your attention to a few blogs that I really enjoyed over the last few weeks:

You know you’ve hit it big when a message board hates on you… “Blades” account of the story, plus his own commentary is the reason I think BoF is a must read. Prepare to laugh. [Blades of Funny]

Speaking of laughing, Habs Laughs is one of my new favourite hockey sites. This post, titled “I found Pierre Gauthier’s Blackberry” features various email/text conversations with Steve Yzerman, Sergei Kostitsyn and Jaroslav Halak. So good! [Habs Laughs]

This is one of my favourite Down Goes Brown posts of late. I do like the NHLPA, however, DGB’s leaked Executive Director job application had me in stitches. Stitches!!! [Down Goes Brown]

I’ll be back later this week with longer (read: better) posts as we get closer to the NHL season getting underway. Have a great rest of the weekend everyone!

Stay classy, Labour Day weekends.

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NHL’s 2010 Off-Season with Google Maps and Insight

September 1st, 2010

Alright web-savvy readers, I have a question for you. I’m certain the majority of you have heard of Google Maps and Google Insight. But have you heard of Google’s new web tool, “Google Maps with Insight?”

It’s not yet available to the general public but somehow I got an advanced peek the other day. Since I have no life, the first thing I did was Google the NHL’s 2010 off-season.

First impressions? This thing is pretty in depth. The insight was pretty sharp and I found the geo-placements of various NHL personalities bang on too! I managed to take a screenshot of this new tool for you all to see. Check it out:

Stayclassy.net's funny Google Maps image of the NHL's 2010 Off-Season

Pro tip: You may want to click on the image for a larger view! Click here for hi-res, downloadable version of this image.

Stay classy, NHL 2010 off-season.

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Rating: 9.9/10 (9 votes cast)

Other people and organizations DownGoesBrown can write for

July 28th, 2010

Hockey news in late July is pretty slim (read: Not Wellwood). And then yesterday a number of hockey stories broke all at once. The signings of Alexei Ponikarovsky and Alex Frolov (Kovalchuk-Lite versions 1 and 2), Max Talbot referring to Alex Ovechkin as a hygienic instrument and of course the big story, DownGoesBrown now writing for the National Post!

(Check out his debut article here).

As many in the online hockey community noted yesterday, this is crazy-awesome news. Kudos to the National Post for doing something different and bringing something fresh to their audience. Following this news, I had many contacts reach out and inform me that DGB’s writing skills could be hugely valuable within NHL circles. My mind began racing and I started calling my insiders to learn as much as I could.

So in light of his new writing gig, here’s a few other people and organizations DGB can write for:

  • New Jersey Devils: Apparently Lou Lamoriello and the rest of the New Jersey Devils are having some trouble writing a simple 17-year contract for a player I’m not overly familiar with. I’m pretty sure DGB could take a look through the existing contract and jam in a few subtle points to make it stick with the league.
  • Kyle Wellwood: We are a full month into free agency and Kyle Wellwood has been offered as many NHL contracts as he’s ordered salads this summer. Maybe DGB can work with Wellwood’s agent to write a pamphlet outlining some of Kyle’s core skills. Skills like “Ability to weave in-and-out of impatient McDonald’s lines on free Big Mac day” and “Literally wrestling every last piece of fried chicken out of the KFC stand just outside of Sunday’s Nascar event.”
  • Junior Hockey Stars: It would be nice of DGB to help prepare top junior stars for the NHL by giving solid advice and handing out reality checks to those who need it. For example, DGB could address how being drafted by the Toronto Maple Leafs isn’t the end of your career. It just means your NHL career won’t truly begin until you are traded in lopsided exchange that further empties Toronto’s depth chart.
  • NHL11: Later this summer EA Sports will release NHL11 to gamers and hockey fans across the world. If EA Sports are smart, they’ll enlist DGB to write a eulogy script for the game’s announcers each time users try to trade for Phil Kessel.
  • Alexei Ponikarovsky: It took nearly a month for free agent Alexei Ponikarovsky to get a contract offer. Given Ponikarovsky’s disappointing results during a brief stint with Pittsburgh last year, the Los Angeles Kings might want to have DGB add a quick blurb in Poni’s contract about the NHL season mattering after February. On second thought, with DGB being a loyal Leafs fan, maybe he’s not the right guy for this assignment after all…
  • Edmonton Oilers Prospects: Everyone knows about the Edmonton Oilers history of winning, great fans and star players with no trade clauses. For young Edmonton prospects, they have no choice – their rights belong to the Oilers. DGB could help educate these inexperienced players that traditionally, you can demand a trade out of Edmonton once you feel like you’ve carried the team for a few years or weeks. DGB will be sure to note that you are obligated to cry like a baby at a press conference when this happens.
  • New York Rangers: Glen Sather confuses the hell out of everyone. It’s clear he could use a translator of sorts – someone who can eloquently explain his logic for trades and signings. Basically, Sather and the Rangers need DGB to explain how prized UFA signing Derek Boogaard is worth roughly 1/25th of Ilya Kovalchuk.
  • Ottawa Senators Goaltending Coach: Recently the Ottawa Senators hired Rick Wamsley as their new goaltending coach. It would be wise of the Senators to have DGB explain to fans that Wamsley probably won’t take part in Bryan Murray’s annual “Blame someone else February firings”… this season.

Stay classy, DownGoesBrown. The National Post just got a lot better!

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Rating: 6.6/10 (5 votes cast)

Reaction to Ilya Kovalchuk’s contract across the NHL

July 20th, 2010

In what has to have been the most uneventful, painful and drawn out free agent signing in recent memory, Ilya Kovalchuk finally signed with the New Jersey Devils on Tuesday. Kovalchuk put us all out of our misery by selecting the Devils over the Los Angeles Kings and even the New York Islanders by agreeing to an NHL record 17-year contract estimated to be worth more than $102 Million. That’s the good news.

The bad news is hockey analysts will be evaluating this contract for the next … (term of contract X number of days in hockey season / number of boring CBA reports + lack of other talented free agents) … 200 Billion years (give or take).

Regardless, this contract sets a huge precedent for the league moving forward and is sure to draw lots of reaction. Luckily for you, I’ve been able to tap into the minds of players, GMs, coaches and insiders around the NHL to see what they really think of Kovalchuk’s signing:

Martin Brodeur, New Jersey Devils goaltender
“Hey cool! My kids might be able to play with Kovalchuk once Lamoriello finishes tattooing the Devils logo on them.”

Alex Kovalev, Ottawa Senators anchor
“I thought I was the real Kovy???”

Zach Parise, only offensive forward New Jersey has ever drafted
*Insane laughter*

Exploded jam jar, first of many Lamoriello thrown jam jars
“Oh no. More of my friends might hit the wall in years to come…”

Bobby Ryan, soon-to-be former Anaheim Duck forward
“Hey Don Meehan, maybe I should replace you with Jay Grossman. I’ll get my big time pay raise and loads of free hype online.”

Allan Walsh, “How to keep star goalies in Montreal” author
“Did someone say something about Twitter???”

Bill Daly, Gary Bettman’s right hand man
*Get’s brain freeze after looking at Kovalchuk’s contract, similar to the kind you get after eating too much Dairy Queen* “Gary, have you seen this??”

Gary Bettman, NHL owners right hand man
“I have Bill. Can you put out a press release that says we are diligently looking into this contract? Don’t worry this is just a formality. You can go back to sleep once you finish doing this.”

Simon Gagne, benefactor of Steve Yzerman’s sharp negotiating skills
“Am I still traded to Tampa if the NHL rejects this contract?”

Eklund, ???
“When I said the Islanders Kings were going to get Kovalchuk, I meant the Devils. Obviously.”

Zach Parise, awesome player who detests Hockey Canada
*Even more insane laughter*

Steve Tambellini, guy who took 6 months to select the kid we all thought he would
“I’m pretty sure Taylor Hall will retire before Kovalchuk’s contract ends…”

Dean Lombardi, Not-so-good negotiator
“We didn’t want you anyways, Ilya. I digress… Los Angeles is the new Edmonton.”

Charles Wang, crazy-ass owner of the New York Islanders
“I love that my GM is starting to think like me with these long term contract offers.”

Garth Snow, Wang 2.0
“I think I’m really impressing my boss!”

Steve Tambellini, another guy the Oilers will never fire
“…I forgot to add… Obviously not as an Oiler.”

Zach Parise, future former New Jersey Devil
“Wait. Does this mean you aren’t resigning me, Lou?”

Stay classy, Ilya Kovalchuk. For 17 more years.

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If LeBron James played in the NHL

July 9th, 2010

Finally the LeBron James fiasco is over. James, Dwyane Wade and some other “star” have all signed with the Miami Heat. I guess that’s the NHL equivalent of Sidney Crosby, Alexander Ovechkin and Manny Malholtra all signing with Washington (or some other team). Man, what a disaster for sports. Anyways I’m sure hockey fans around the world were wondering the same as me on Thursday night: “What if LeBron James played in the NHL?” Luckily, you have your answers:

  • TSN would air a day-long broadcast complete with instant analysis from Bob McKenzie, Darren Dreger and two former NHLers named Mike who no one remembers.
  • The Ottawa Senators wouldn’t show interest in a non-Russian born star who isn’t far removed from his prime.
  • If Darryl Sutter hasn’t signed him before, he’s not going to now!
  • The Vancouver Canucks would offer to retire his jersey with a nice ceremony set for next season. Even if his career ends up being just OK.
  • Simon Gagne would still be asked to waive his no trade clause for completely unrelated reasons.
  • The Los Angeles Kings wouldn’t have interest in him. But then they would. And then they wouldn’t. And then they would… Oh god! Make it stop already!
  • LeBron James is definitely the solution to get the Lighthouse Project afloat.
  • The Montreal Canadiens bid for James would inevitably come up short.
  • Strangely, Philadelphia-based “insiders” would rate the odds of James ending up a Flyer a solid e4 or higher.
  • The Toronto Maple Leafs would have little to no interest in James. Not because he’s an excellent player or financial commitments to other players but because he’s not a defenseman.
  • Gary Bettman would declare the intense coverage of LeBron-gate a successful part of the NHL’s expansion strategy.

Stay classy, LeBron James.

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Revisiting the NHL’s “What If” TV commercials

June 29th, 2010

Remember the “What If” TV commercials the NHL ran during this year’s Stanley Cup Playoffs? That was a great campaign. Well, the classic ones with Gretzky, Orr and Lemieux. Some of the newer ones – like that Mike Cammalleri one – weren’t as good. For what it’s worth, I still thought the campaign was great.

As part of my ongoing effort to help grow the sport and aid the NHL’s marketing department, I wanted to share a few of the “What If” commercials that never made it past the cutting room floor. Did you know the original campaign was supposed to cover the entire Stanley Cup Playoffs, the Entry Draft and past the beginning of Unrestricted Free Agency (July 1st)?

True story… So without further delay, here are some of the lesser known “What If” commercials that didn’t quite make it onto your TV’s:

What If… Peter Chiarelli was more ‘savvy’ about signing long term contracts?

What If… Bryan Murray turned over Jason Spezza?

What If… Tomas Kaberle wasn’t available every draft, deadline and free agency period?

What If… The 2nd overall pick in 1993′s NHL Entry Draft remembered Alexandre Daigle?

What If… The Toronto Maple Leafs didn’t believe in drafting?

What If… A star player remained a star player after being drafted by the Islanders?

What If… Darryl Sutter and Lou Lamiorello each had plans for the Flames and Devils?

What If… Peter Chiarelli knew he didn’t need to include No Trade Clauses in every contract?

What If… The Lightning hadn’t gambled on naming Rich Tocchet their head coach?

What If… Most of the hockey blogosphere actually knew who the kids drafted last weekend were?

What If… People believed Brian Burke actually had 4 or 5 “hard offers” for Kaberle?

What If… The Canucks didn’t give such generous contracts to checking wingers?

What If… Daniel Alfredsson’s guarantees resembled those of Mark Messier’s… even just a bit?

Stay classy, NHL TV commercials.

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NHL Draft Facebook Event – Would you go?

June 25th, 2010

When I logged into Facebook last night, I had a notification of an event I had yet to RSVP to. I’m still not entirely sure if I should confirm my attendance. Although it looks legit (the NHL is very hip on these social media sites!), I’m not sure I fit in with the scene.

Below is a screenshot of the 2010 NHL Draft Facebook event. Would you go?

(Click on the image to view a larger version).

Stayclassy.net's funny 2010 NHL Draft event on Facebook

Stay classy, NHL Entry Draft.

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Signs your hockey team is in trouble

June 23rd, 2010

It’s a busy time in the hockey world. The NHL Entry Draft and the start of Unrestricted Free Agency are both days away and teams are actively trying to better their rosters in any and every way possible. This even includes making trades, something I’m not accustomed to after last year’s “trade deadline”.

For most teams it’s a very exciting time. For others it’s a time of hopelessness and despair. Here are some signs your hockey team might be in trouble:

  • You recently traded for a player who once won a Stanley Cup for your franchise. Problem is he’s twice as old as your best player, Zach Parise.
  • Glenn Sather is still employed by your organization.
  • Your designated number one goalie for next season has averaged just 42 games played in each of his last five seasons.
  • Your GM is heavily considering offering the league maximum salary to Lebron James.
  • Recently Pierre McGuire was considered a finalist for your vacant GM position. I’m looking at you, Minnesota.
  • Your head coach just stepped down to be a (another) team advisor. Between you, the braintrust of Kevin Lowe, Steve Tambellini, Mike Sillinger and others, you are one really old guy away from becoming the Toronto Maple Leafs.
  • It’s been more than a full season since you last had a team Captain. Even the Leafs recently named a Captain!
  • You resigned Matt Cooke to a 3-year contract extension.
  • The core players of your franchise were the considered core players of your team before the lockout. I think one those core players might retire this summer too.
  • Steven Stamkos’ 2010 Rocket Richard trophy win is probably the highlight of your team’s season, next season.
  • It’s been almost a week since I last heard a ‘truculence/tough’ speech from Brian Burke.
  • Doug Wilson, your General Manager, intends to follow the Flyers goaltending model by “not paying very much for it.”  This should help you get closer to the Stanley Cup and finally not choking next season…
  • You legitimately believe “he didn’t object to the fact that maybe it’s time – the way (he’s) been received – now maybe it’s time” makes any sense to anyone.

Stay classy, troubled NHL teams.

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A closer look at the NHL’s trade market

June 18th, 2010

The 2010 NHL Entry Draft is just one week away! Stay calm and collected my friends, this is the best news I’ve heard since the Blackhawks ended the season last week. As with every year, the Draft is always the start of some significant roster moves around the league.

In light of yesterdays blockbuster Canadiens-Blues trade (clarification: would-be blockbuster deal, provided Montreal actually got something in exchange for Halak), I had several teams complete a quick “need and available” survey. Let’s look at the needs of a few teams who’s names have been in the rumor mill in recent weeks:

Montreal Canadiens
Needs: A number one goalie, someone who can actually keep up with PK Subban and a good knee brace for Andrei Markov.
Available: Potential franchise goalie and whoever the current coach of our AHL team is.

Chicago Blackhawks
Needs: To shed salary without damanging the core of the team.
Available: Marian Hossa and Cristobal Huet. Any takers? No? OK. How about this: Huet was a mentor to Halak… still nothing? How about this: Hossa managed to score some nice goals in 22 playoff games… (Stayclassy.net: Good luck Stan Bowman!)

Philadelphia Flyers
Needs: To rip off a team with a great available goalie like the St. Louis Blues did.
Available: Daniel Briere and his no movement clause. Apparently that clause applies to local highways too.

Ottawa Senators
Needs: To acquire a point per game center/playmaker. Also needed are elite goal scorer(s), a shutdown defenseman and number one goalie.
Available: A point per game center/playmaker and a bunch of players no one wants.

Toronto Maple Leafs
Needs: Another assistant General Manager and another roster shake up (It’s been like, a few weeks since the last one…).
Available: Pretty much everyone except Dave Nonis. He’s probably the most untouchable person in the organization. And if you do somehow get him, I (Burkie) will pull him right back!

San Jose Sharks
Needs: Veteran leadership, proven playoff performers and a new team captain (just like every off-season in San Jose).
Available: All of our good players except Dan Boyle and the grinders like Manny Malholtra.

Minnesota Wild
Needs: … uhhh actually, what/who do we have???
Available: N/A.

St. Louis Blues
Needs: A veteran forward and some young prospects.
Available: The negotiation rights for goalie Chris Mason. Our asking price? Free or best offer. Did you see what we got Halak for???

Stay classy, NHL teams looking to make trades.

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Found! Actual transcript between Jason Spezza and Bryan Murray

June 6th, 2010

You are in luck. A third Stayclassy post in three days. I guess I am feeling creative or something… (that something might be Justin from the Hockeycardshow suggesting I do this, but whatever…).

Lately there have been some heavy rumors suggesting Jason Spezza might ask to be traded prior to his No Trade Clause kicking on July 1st. It’s been reported by several (read: not credible) sports outlets that this is a result of Senators fans booing Spezza during their 1st Round Playoff exit at the hands of the Pittsburgh Penguins.

Both Bryan Murray and Jason Spezza have been fairly quiet on the matter (probably a good idea after last summer’s Heatley debachle). Murray has even indicated he hopes to sit down with Spezza prior to the NHL Entry draft to follow up on the previous conversation the two shared days after being eliminated from the Stanley Cup Playoffs (read: weird post-season tournament where all the good teams lost early and screwed up hockey pools around the world).

What many don’t know is this follow up interview has already taken place! Luckily for you I have most of the interview transcribed. Here it is:

Bryan Murray: Thanksh for sitting down with me Jashon. There’sh a few things I’d like to follow up with…

Jason Spezza: Before getting into what I said a few months ago I have to ask. Why did you tell the media about my frustration with being booed? That was kind of a D-Bag move, man.

BM: Look I’m shaawwry about that. That was actually Eugene Melnyk’s fault. He told me to do that.

JS: Since when does he give you advice on running a pro hockey team?

BM: Well Jashon I won’t lie to you. He’s gotten very good at NHL10 on PlayStation. He told me he uses this tactic a lot when trying to make trades in franchise mode. His gamer score is pretty aweshome. I believe him.

JS: Is that the game with me on the cover?

BM: No. You are talking about NHL2k8. Totally different game.

JS: I’m starting to feel this organization doesn’t love me like I want to be loved! I helped design that game and my team owner is off playing another hockey game??? I even included my trademark behind-the-back pass moves!

BM: Yeah I know… that’sh actually a complaint of many players. They say it causes too many nearly-inshtant goals against. Anyways… We really want you to stay an Ottawa Senator. You are a leader of this team and frankly my career needs you to stay here and produce like everyone thinksh you can.

JS: You mean you can’t afford to trade another star player for “top 6 forwards” that are actually role players on 3rd/4th lines?

BM: Exshactly. It might discredit all future interviews I do when I talk about the team needing one final top 6 forward and top 4 defencemen to round out the solid group I have in place.

JS: * Giggles lots * Dude! I totally don’t believe you anymore when you say that — * Giggling increases *

* More giggling transpires… *

* Still going… *

BM: Jashon, you were saying?

* Still giggling… It’s like this giggling is being looped! *

BM: Schtop your damn giggling and get to the point!

JS: Right. OK. We keep getting sidetracked here. None of this conversation changes the fact that I don’t like being booed in my own building. I’m frustrated that the only thing this city shows emotion for is my ‘unlucky turnovers’ and tax season. I need to know what we’re prepared to do to stop the boo’s. It’s the only way I’ll stay in Ottawa.

BM: I have shome ideashs. I’ll call the City of Ottawa and have them indefinitely delay the Queensway expansion to tie up traffic getting to each home game. That way less people will be in the arena for game time. Less people equals less boo’s. It’s physhicshx.

JS: Nice. What else d’ya got?

BM: We could have the Shparta Cat blast hot dogs into the crowd every time you make a bad passh. Fans will never be able to boo because their mouths will be forever loaded with fake meat and bad shoe leather hot dogs! And we could make excuses for you like “Michalek needs another knee surgery”. We can probably get away with that excuse 2-3 times per season.

JS: *Nods in approval*

BM: We could also claim the dressing room lacks character players. I need to resign Nick Foligno soon. I don’t really know what the hell kind of offer to give him so we could make him the scape goat. That helps both of us.

JS: Nice! His nose freaks me out too. Oh! Can we get Mike Comrie back?

BM: Is he still playing hockey? I could probably offer our first round pick for next season. I’d have to check with Eugene but I’m pretty sure he’ll be cool with it. He’s probably already done this on NHL10 anyways. Anything else Jashon?

JS: One last thing. This is kind of random. When TSN and CBC show General Managers on TV in their Suites writing things down, what are you writing and doing?

BM: Well most guys do different schtuff. Personally I like crossword puzzles. And I know Burkie likes Sh… Shudsh… Shudokushs. That’s like the hardestsh word to say!! Anyways between me and you he really sucksh at them. He never uses the number 2… no clue why.

JS: Nice! OK. I have to go stop off at the bank and meet McGrattan and Emery for lunch. Apparently they need me to spot them a bunch of cash for something “fun”. Not sure what that means. See you in a few weeks.

I’m sure many fans of the Senators and Spezza will get mad and defensive over this “transcript”. If you are angered please lighten up. In all seriousness trading Jason Spezza would be the worst thing this organization could do for two reasons:

  1. There is no way the Senators can replace a #1 center like Spezza (via free agency or from within their organization).
  2. The Senators cannot afford the negative press that would come from losing another star player for nothing (they wouldn’t get anywhere near the value in return) in consecutive years. Season ticket sales would take an even bigger nose dive and the organization’s reputation would hurt the team for years to come.

Stay classy, Jason Schpezzsha.

***

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