I’ve been talking about my rec hockey life a little bit lately. Today I’m going to do more of that so let’s have some fun with this. There are two rec hockey seasons: summer and winter. Winter runs from September to April and summer runs from May to September. As you’ve probably surmised, summer rec hockey is coming to an end.

That means I’m trying to figure out which teams I will play on for the winter season. In addition to that, I recently decided to add another team to my schedule. And so, the “interviews” begin. Every team leader asks a series of questions like “How good are you,” “What leagues have you played in” and of course, “What kind of player are you?”

I usually say something like “Uhh, I’m OK. I don’t suck.” I never know how to explain what kind of player I am. To help with this issue – and hopefully get some sort of resolution before all the winter teams cut me – I’ve created a list of player descriptions. I’ll start with the straight forward descriptions and move into the more specific examples after.

The Goal Scorer
Description: A strong forward who has the capability of scoring a goal every time he steps on the ice. A player who’s best single season goal total almost beats the Edmonton Oilers points total from last season.
NHL Comparables: Alex Ovechkin, Steven Stamkos, Matt Moulson.

The Playmaker
Description: A player who has great on-ice vision and knows how to control the pace of the game. A player who does everything Craig Conroy was supposed to do in Calgary. A player who can actually pull off no-look passes without fans screaming “Dammit Spezza!!”
NHL Comparables: Nicklas Backstrom, Patrick Kane, no current Toronto Maple Leafs player.

The Difference Maker
Description: A player who would no doubt would be subjected to benchside interviews from Pierre McGuire… if, you know, he had slightly less credibility.
NHL Comparables: Mike “Monster” Richards, Dion “Monster” Phaneuf… those are the only two comparables, ever.

The Really Good, Young Player
Description: A young and strong player the entire team loves… except the guy who makes decisions. Largely because he’s a poor evaluator of talent and doesn’t know what an offer sheet is… yet!
NHL Comparables: James Neal, Bobby Ryan, Marc Staal.

Those are all pretty simple descriptions. But sometimes team leaders want even more information about the kind of player you are and what you bring to their team. Here are some more in depth descriptions I’ve been using (with little success, of course).

The Mike Milbury
Description: An extremely special player that you could build a team around and expect years of success with. A player that no other GM would even think about trading (even for a great return).
NHL Comparables: Roberto Luongo, Jason Spezza, dozens more.

The Don Cherry
Description: A player no one really acknowledges for anything and yet, some crazy old man feverishly campaigns for Team Canada to pick him for the Olympics.
NHL Comparables: I dunno, I never noticed a player like this.

The Dave Andreychuk
Description: By far the oldest guy on the ice who is someday bound to win something (for the love of God!!!!).
NHL Comparables: Todd Bertuzzi, Daniel Alfredsson and uhh… Dave Andreychuk.

The Doug Maclean
Description: An overrated (read: not scouted well enough) forward picked from a very strong pool of players in which he was clearly the worst.
NHL Comparables: Gilbert “still a great pick” Brule.

The Don Waddell
Description: A player with so much talent and such a bright future who the Atlanta Thrashers would only screw up, trade or do nothing with 5/10 times.
NHL Comparables: Patrik Steffan, Alex Bourret, Braydon Coburn, Kari Lehtonen, Boris Valabik.

Hey readers: Have some fun with me – What kind of hockey player are you? Let me know in the comments below!

Stay classy, hockey players.