Posts Tagged ‘Eugene Melnyk’

Oh, Eugene…

January 23rd, 2011

I’ve never seen or heard an owner of an NHL team talk as much about doing something as Ottawa Senators owner Eugene Melnyk. And despite this, nothing ever seems to happen.

The amount of crap this guy spews out is truly amazing. I understand the differences between being a fan and an owner — even though Melnyk might not — and I understand Melnyk needs to remain positive to cool a tepid fan base. But here’s the thing: no one is holding a gun forcing Melnyk to mention the “S-word.” (the Stanley Cup).

The following is a direct quote from Melnyk in a recent interview with the Ottawa Sun’s Bruce Garrioch from Sunday:

“We’re going to do what it takes to bring the Stanley Cup to Ottawa, whether it takes one, three or five years. It will happen. You have my commitment.”
- Eugene Melnyk, Ottawa Senators owner and All-Star quote machine

I can’t even make this stuff up. Ladies and Gentlemen, this is not an NHL owner. This is a fan with nice suits and good perks. I can’t think of another NHL owner who talks this much about doing something without any follow up actions. Eugene, your team is currently 27th in the league. Even the Leafs, the ‘bud’ of every draft joke, sit higher than the Senators. Now probably isn’t a good time to make Stanley Cup commitments.

Imagine next year’s 24/7 HBO special featured the Senators. The entire series could be dedicated to Melnyk’s “future plans.”

In this glorious interview, Melnyk goes on to say “At this time, it makes no sense to make managerial or coaching changes. We’ll let the season play itself out and look forward to building for the future.” Ummm… what?

I would argue this is a critical time for the Senators organization. This is the time for a the club to define what kind of rebuild they are going for – a massive one or a small one. I don’t think I’m alone when I say a massive overhaul is required. Even Melnyk should agree the issue with the Senators isn’t coaching. It’s the players. Four different coaches over the last four or five years should tell anyone that. I like what SensChirp said the other day: this is as close to tanking as a pro sports team can get.

Yes, this is a bit of a rant. I’ve never liked Melnyk’s bold statements. In fact I’m still “buckled up.” I’m all for owner’s believing in their teams, but Melnyk has clearly taken things to a new level. It’s one thing when your team is a legitimate Stanley Cup contender, or at least a playoff bound team. It’s quite another when you are sitting at the bottom of the league. You don’t see the Islanders or Devils talking about Lord Stanley. Melnyk needs to quit the Daniel Alfredsson School of Guarantees as quickly as possible. It’s getting embarrassing for fans.

Ahhh, it’s official. It’s rock bottom for the Senators. Maybe we all just need to chill out and grab a Huge Euge. Or maybe we, fans, need to see evidence of direction. Or both. Either way…

Stay classy, Eugene Melnyk. Less is more.

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Fun suggestions for Ottawa’s 2012 NHL All-Star game weekend

September 14th, 2010

In what might be the worst kept secret since Jonathan Cheechoo’s buy out (which bore rumours approximately five minutes after the Senators acquired him, give or take a few minutes), the NHL is reportedly set to announce the 2012 All-Star game will be held in Ottawa later this week.

Despite being panned by both fans and analysts, hosting an All-Star game is a big deal. Much like the NHL’s Entry Draft, the All-Star game is a full weekend event and churns out big dollars for hosting clubs. Since I grew up in Ottawa, I thought it would be somewhat appropriate to give some fun suggestions to help spruce up Ottawa’s 2012 NHL All-Star weekend. You’re welcome, Senators…

  • The City of Ottawa will likely make a multi-day event out of the All-Star game, packed with entertainment, activities and games for fans, families etc… For example, games could include designing your own horrible 3rd jersey or participating in a scavenger hunt with one incredibly difficult place to locate. Of course that place would be Scotiabank Place.
  • As a way to bring fans closer to their favourite players, fans could be given an opportunity to try out game-used Senators equipment on Scotiabank Place ice in a fun “pick-up” hockey game. I’m guessing the poor soul who gets stuck with Chris Phillips’ stick probably won’t understand why it keeps shooting the puck into his/her own net.
  • On that note, the Senators could also give fans an opportunity to try on game-worn jerseys. Or in Alexandre Daigle’s case, previously worn nurse outfits.
  • Fans, if you are lucky enough to attend the 2012 All-Star game at Scotiabank Place, building officials won’t mind if you “boo” any/all of the Ottawa Senators All-Stars. Turns out the Senators are used to playing 82 road games each season.
  • I think a hockey themed version of Monopoly would go down very well as part of the All-Star weekend festivities. It would be realistic too. For example, the “Go To Jail” board tile would actually include the words “Ottawa Senators starting goalie.”
  • Fans could play a game of Clue as yet another game during the All-Star weekend. The game would include the following clues: “Has done some shady business deals,” “Has lied to authorities” and “Has made a lot of unkept promises.” Fans would be able to choose between Rod Bryden and Eugene Melnyk.
  • I’m told a member of the Senators had an idea too. It turns out a Senators captain recently approached the NHL about a modification to the “Hardest Shot” skills event. I don’t know which Senator made the suggestion, but apparently the idea involves taking slapshots at Scott Niedermayer instead of empty nets.

Stay classy, NHL All-Star game and Ottawa Senators.

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Found! Actual transcript between Jason Spezza and Bryan Murray

June 6th, 2010

You are in luck. A third Stayclassy post in three days. I guess I am feeling creative or something… (that something might be Justin from the Hockeycardshow suggesting I do this, but whatever…).

Lately there have been some heavy rumors suggesting Jason Spezza might ask to be traded prior to his No Trade Clause kicking on July 1st. It’s been reported by several (read: not credible) sports outlets that this is a result of Senators fans booing Spezza during their 1st Round Playoff exit at the hands of the Pittsburgh Penguins.

Both Bryan Murray and Jason Spezza have been fairly quiet on the matter (probably a good idea after last summer’s Heatley debachle). Murray has even indicated he hopes to sit down with Spezza prior to the NHL Entry draft to follow up on the previous conversation the two shared days after being eliminated from the Stanley Cup Playoffs (read: weird post-season tournament where all the good teams lost early and screwed up hockey pools around the world).

What many don’t know is this follow up interview has already taken place! Luckily for you I have most of the interview transcribed. Here it is:

Bryan Murray: Thanksh for sitting down with me Jashon. There’sh a few things I’d like to follow up with…

Jason Spezza: Before getting into what I said a few months ago I have to ask. Why did you tell the media about my frustration with being booed? That was kind of a D-Bag move, man.

BM: Look I’m shaawwry about that. That was actually Eugene Melnyk’s fault. He told me to do that.

JS: Since when does he give you advice on running a pro hockey team?

BM: Well Jashon I won’t lie to you. He’s gotten very good at NHL10 on PlayStation. He told me he uses this tactic a lot when trying to make trades in franchise mode. His gamer score is pretty aweshome. I believe him.

JS: Is that the game with me on the cover?

BM: No. You are talking about NHL2k8. Totally different game.

JS: I’m starting to feel this organization doesn’t love me like I want to be loved! I helped design that game and my team owner is off playing another hockey game??? I even included my trademark behind-the-back pass moves!

BM: Yeah I know… that’sh actually a complaint of many players. They say it causes too many nearly-inshtant goals against. Anyways… We really want you to stay an Ottawa Senator. You are a leader of this team and frankly my career needs you to stay here and produce like everyone thinksh you can.

JS: You mean you can’t afford to trade another star player for “top 6 forwards” that are actually role players on 3rd/4th lines?

BM: Exshactly. It might discredit all future interviews I do when I talk about the team needing one final top 6 forward and top 4 defencemen to round out the solid group I have in place.

JS: * Giggles lots * Dude! I totally don’t believe you anymore when you say that — * Giggling increases *

* More giggling transpires… *

* Still going… *

BM: Jashon, you were saying?

* Still giggling… It’s like this giggling is being looped! *

BM: Schtop your damn giggling and get to the point!

JS: Right. OK. We keep getting sidetracked here. None of this conversation changes the fact that I don’t like being booed in my own building. I’m frustrated that the only thing this city shows emotion for is my ‘unlucky turnovers’ and tax season. I need to know what we’re prepared to do to stop the boo’s. It’s the only way I’ll stay in Ottawa.

BM: I have shome ideashs. I’ll call the City of Ottawa and have them indefinitely delay the Queensway expansion to tie up traffic getting to each home game. That way less people will be in the arena for game time. Less people equals less boo’s. It’s physhicshx.

JS: Nice. What else d’ya got?

BM: We could have the Shparta Cat blast hot dogs into the crowd every time you make a bad passh. Fans will never be able to boo because their mouths will be forever loaded with fake meat and bad shoe leather hot dogs! And we could make excuses for you like “Michalek needs another knee surgery”. We can probably get away with that excuse 2-3 times per season.

JS: *Nods in approval*

BM: We could also claim the dressing room lacks character players. I need to resign Nick Foligno soon. I don’t really know what the hell kind of offer to give him so we could make him the scape goat. That helps both of us.

JS: Nice! His nose freaks me out too. Oh! Can we get Mike Comrie back?

BM: Is he still playing hockey? I could probably offer our first round pick for next season. I’d have to check with Eugene but I’m pretty sure he’ll be cool with it. He’s probably already done this on NHL10 anyways. Anything else Jashon?

JS: One last thing. This is kind of random. When TSN and CBC show General Managers on TV in their Suites writing things down, what are you writing and doing?

BM: Well most guys do different schtuff. Personally I like crossword puzzles. And I know Burkie likes Sh… Shudsh… Shudokushs. That’s like the hardestsh word to say!! Anyways between me and you he really sucksh at them. He never uses the number 2… no clue why.

JS: Nice! OK. I have to go stop off at the bank and meet McGrattan and Emery for lunch. Apparently they need me to spot them a bunch of cash for something “fun”. Not sure what that means. See you in a few weeks.

–

I’m sure many fans of the Senators and Spezza will get mad and defensive over this “transcript”. If you are angered please lighten up. In all seriousness trading Jason Spezza would be the worst thing this organization could do for two reasons:

  1. There is no way the Senators can replace a #1 center like Spezza (via free agency or from within their organization).
  2. The Senators cannot afford the negative press that would come from losing another star player for nothing (they wouldn’t get anywhere near the value in return) in consecutive years. Season ticket sales would take an even bigger nose dive and the organization’s reputation would hurt the team for years to come.

Stay classy, Jason Schpezzsha.

***

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This Town is a break-you-town and bring-you-down-town

October 15th, 2009

You know who is probably more excited that there’s a game tonight than I am: the Ottawa Senators themselves.

Not to quote Frank Sinatra too much, but as he once sang in his classic song:

This town is a lonely town
Not the only town like-a this town
This town is a make-you town
Or a break-you-town and bring-you-down town

This town is a quiet town
Or a riot town like this town
This town is a love-you town
And a shove-you-down and push-you-’round town

This town is an all-right town
For an uptight town like-a this town
This town, it’s a use-you town
An abuse-you town until-you’re-down town

There, I got that out of my system. But in all seriousness, that’s what Ottawa is. You’d almost think that Frank was singing about Ottawa and the woes of being a hockey player here when he belted out those lyrics.

The Senators lost on Monday (not sure if everyone in town knows that yet), and they’ve had three days off to talk about everything that went wrong when they faced the Stanley Cup Champions who just happen to remain undefeated on the road and have beat some very good teams in the process. But hey, that doesn’t matter right?

I’ve taken a look at the schedule though, and I’ve got some healthy advice for the Sens on what games should be designated must-wins. That way we don’t need to talk about the sky falling anymore.

Saturday October 17- Ottawa Senators @ Montreal Canadiens

- 5 days off in between games. And it’s Montreal. If we don’t win this one, the media will be calling for Bryan Murray to bring in more players of Ryan Shannon’s stature, and bumping up Erik Karlsson to play more than 30 minutes a game. As well, Pascal Leclaire will be asked to smoke as many cigarettes as possible, while putting his fist through a wall

Saturday October 24- Ottawa Senators vs. Boston Bruins

- Another 4 days off in between games, but if Ottawa loses this one, they’ll likely be subject to several editorials suggesting that Ottawa could use a player of Zdeno Chara’s stature. Cue the fans calling for Jared Cowen to make the trip from Spokane immediately.

Tuesday December 1- Ottawa Senators @ San Jose Sharks

- There’s not a lot of time in between games here, but if Ottawa loses this game, expect the Jason Spezza/Joe Thornton comparisons to resonate across the continent. Strangely, nothing will be mentioned about Dany Heatley.

Sunday February 14- Ottawa Senators @ New York Islanders

- The last game before the Olympics and the Ottawa Senators have to play the New York Islanders. I’ll be watching the Olympics for the next two weeks, but I don’t want to hear a word about how Ottawa couldn’t close it against the Islanders.

Tuesday March 9- Ottawa Senators @ Edmonton Oilers

- It’s time for Ottawa to march into Rexall Place, and show Penner, Smid, and Cogliano what they’ve been missing and that they should have pressed Dany Heatley harder to waive his no-trade clause. Also, if they lose this one, expect to hear why Pat Quinn should have been named head coach here in Ottawa after hugging the Eugene Melnyk at the World Juniors last January.

Tuesday March 23- Ottawa Senators vs. Philadelphia Flyers

- 3 days off in between games here, but if Ottawa loses this one, I expect that the fans will be calling for Bryan Murray to trade for this Ray Emery character that Philadelphia just pulled out of the KHL. He’s probably pretty affordable, no?

Saturday April 10- Ottawa Senators vs. Buffalo Sabres

- Other than the fact that this could make or break the playoff standings in the Eastern Conference, nobody wants to lose their last game of the season, and listen to all the doubters talking about why Ottawa doesn’t stand a chance in the first round.

–

So there you have if folks. The must-win games for Ottawa. I will say this though; Ottawa tends to play better when people expect them to lose. I’m not sure if it’s because they’re playing above expectations, or if they actually play better with a chip on their shoulder. So maybe they shouldn’t listen to me at all.

Stay classy, knee-jerk Ottawa fans.

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CFL win = Ottawa city council FAIL

April 21st, 2009

Ottawa City Council must be full of tools (like we didn’t know that already), if they pick to go with the Lansdowne live/CFL team, and not the MLS route.  I for one, know that if I was part of that Council, I would be rolling heads in those meetings to all of those who are supporting the CFL return.  Way to spend tax dollars. 

Let’s start with, the Rough Riders, Renegades, or whatever “R” word they are going to use this time.  Yes they have had a long history in the league, but that is history.  Just like their playoff record, 9 Grey Cups in 64 years of play.  That’s a respectable stat, only when your league consists of more than 9 teams!  The last time they won, was 1976.  I wasn’t even born then!  The last time they made the big game was 1981… Can any of you fans name 10 players that were on the team then without looking it up?  I didn’t think so.

 

Now let’s move to the management group that is running the show this time around.  Jeff Hunt and team, think they can make it work.  First let’s see, the major reason the team folded in 1996 was increasing lack of fan support/attendance.  Now, I was in the Ottawa area when the Renegades made a comeback to the league.  In the 3 years they were back, all I remember is the “Gades” practically giving tickets away at prices that were super cheap… Problem being, the team sucked, the game sucked, the parking/traffic sucked, even the cheerleaders sucked.  The team was losing millions each year, and it could have been Management, but attendance still had to be the key.  Hunt thinks he can do what they couldn’t accomplish in the 60 years the team was around?  He must be a marketing genius, just look how rich he is getting off of the 67’s, they play in some basement of an arena.

 

The CFL has a minimum 25,000 seats required by the home team stadium.  Well, I’d be afraid to put 50 people in the stands of Frank Clair Stadium, without causing structural stress.  So Jeff Hunt and crew are pushing the city to rebuild the stadium, for a team that won’t fill the seat.  This is history people!  CFL is not a fit in Ottawa, the novelty of the team will fade after 2 games, then empty seats again.

 

Mean Gene-Eugene Melnyk came to the table last year with a proposition to bring the growing MLS league to Ottawa.  Proven that he can take a team on the brink of folding and make it a successful franchise here in Ottawa, I have faith that he can do the same with a MLS team.  Gene has a location that is awesome with Tons of parking already, and with construction on the Queensway to ease traffic nearing completion.  This is looking to be the way to go.

 

But Wes, why MLS?  Who cares about stupid old soccer, and how many people are going to watch low scoring games?  Well, since you ask, the potential fan base is so large, it rivals hockey in the Ottawa area.  In 2005 there was 2,695,712 registered players in Canada.  Let’s say that Ottawa holds 15% of that number (Its most likely higher than that).  That gives us 351,614 players in Ottawa and surrounding area.  By shear number, if even 10% were to say they would go to a game that leaves an average of 35,000 people you can expect. 

 

A problem we have, is all of these same people keep on saying that CFL is the way to go.  I’m sorry, but you’ve had your chance, CFL.  Let’s not waste our time or dime on something that is going to fail yet again.  Turn Lansdowne into a real park!  Give a proven Franchise owner the team!  Melnyk will succeed and Stay Classy has his back!

 

Eugene Melnyk is a Saint, A SAINT!

Mantooth

 

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Bryan Murray’s facebook page on NHL trade deadline day

March 4th, 2009

The Internet scares me. So does Google.

If you’re brave enough, type Google into Google (or Google Google, if you will) and see what happens. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

But as much as the Internet freaks me out, it’s probably doing wonders for the NHL General Manager community. Social networking has probably made trade deadline day that much more bearable.

The following is a completely falsified and untrue depiction of Bryan Murray’s Facebook page on Trade Deadline Day. Enjoy.

6:00 am- According to the mini-feed:
Brian Lawton is tired of trying to sign movie stars as hockey players.
Dean Lombardi is wondering if he can get 11 draft picks for the 2009 draft too.
Ken Holland is thinking that Detroit should be in the Eastern Conference so we wouldn’t have to play the Sharks until the Finals.

7:15- Kevin Lowe and Brian Burke have both changed their relationship status to single. They’ve also removed each other from their friends list.

7:46- FRIEND REQUEST- Jim Fox has sent you a friend request. Deny.

8:02- Terry Murray has sent you a message:
“Hey Bro, what time is it there? Its super early here. Has anybody made any trades yet? You were right, there’s a lot less pressure here in California. We might even make the playoffs. How about you guys? Sorry about beating your team right after your new coach got hired. Hope that wasn’t too hard on the team. Keep in touch Bro! Good luck on the playoff drive!”

8:10- Terry Murray has sent you a message:
“Hey Bro, sorry about the last message. Just checked the standings… Um, any advice on how to deal with Tom Preissing?”

9:30- Craig Hartsburg has just added new photos to his album, Caribbean Vacation.

9:55- Filip Kuba just added you as a friend.

9:59- Antoine Vermette just sent you a message:
“Um, hey Bryan. How’s it going. Just getting ready for practice. Definitely going to be a good secondary scorer from now on.”

10:00- Antoine Vermette just sent you a message:
“Guess you didn’t get my message in time…”

10:04- Brian Burke just wrote on your wall:
“Wanna slow down a bit Bryan? Some of us are just waking up. After Thomas Kaberle hurt himself, I didn’t think I’d need to do anything today.”

10:11- Pascal Leclaire just changed his profile picture.
Senators logo.

10:14- Eugene Melynk just posted a new video on his wall:

10:15- Eugene Melynk just wrote on your wall:
“Check out the video I posted. Remember that. Man, that was fun.”

10:16- Bob Gainey has just invited you to the event, How to Deal With an Imploding Team on Deadline Day?

10:18- James Duthie just sent you a message:
“Thanks Bryan. I don’t know how much we could just sit and talk about stuff not happening. Keep it up.”

11:00- Anonymous Rumour Blogger just wrote on your wall:
“E5 Alert! Sergei Puckson and J.C. Petit to Pittsburgh for Sidney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin and Marc-Andre Fleury. Stay tuned. And Vinny is still for sure absolutely in play.”

12:07- Mini-feed update:
Jason Spezza is thinking that fighting Dion Phaneuf just revealed a new component to his game.
Gary Roberts is missing the days when the Ottawa Senators always wanted him for a playoff run.

12:15- Brian Burke wrote on your wall:
“Thanks for not poking me back Bryan. I just grabbed Martin Gerber from you though. Hahaha.”

12:16- Brian Burke just sent you a message:
“…so I just saw Gerber’s stats. Why didn’t you say anything? We’re practically brothers after meeting in the Stanley Cup and me winning with many of the players you drafted.”

12:40- Mini-feed update:
Daryll Sutter is finding it hard to believe he finally landed Olli Jokinen and Anonymous Hockey Blogger knew about it.

1:58- Mini-feed update:
Bill Guerin is FINALLY.

2:45- San Jose 2nd Round Draft Pick just wrote on your wall:
“Hey, it looks like I’m not coming your way in a Chris Neil trade. Oh well. Best of luck in the future. Maybe we’ll meet in the Stanley Cup Final one day… snicker.”

3:01- Brian Burke just send you a message:
“You can seriously have him back if you want…”

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Budgets, facebook and soccer in Ottawa

January 29th, 2009

Good Evening, I’m Wes Mantooth and this is what’s happening in your world tonight.

On Tuesday, we were graced with the Conservative Budget plan. While there may have been tax cuts across the board, and spending like wild, I didn’t see much in the line of support for the everyday Anchorman. All I can expect out of this is roughly $1300 towards house renovations (more Mahogany?) and a little extra on each paycheque to go and spend. There will be about enough to buy a glass of scotch and a Burrito. I find it hard to call this budget an economic stimulus.

Breaking news in the Middle East of England. The 3rd time in the past year, a woman was murdered by her husband over popular social networking site, Facebook. It appears that she changed her status from married to single, and this sparked an outrage that lead to her death. Oh what a wonderful thing this whole social networking fad has turned out to be… look for Stayclassy.net on Facebook, and become a fan!

This just in: Canon is the world’s greatest camera manufacturer. And it doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with their cameras. In response to Japan’s aging population and the fact that couples are having too few children, Canon called off the traditional 12-hour workday twice a week, encouraging their employees to go home early and have some Afternoon Delight.

How secure is your personal information? Probably not as secure as you would think. Recently, an MP3 player was purchased from a pawnshop in Oklahoma, with a little bit of a surprise. 60 files containing deployed soldiers personal info, mission briefings and base equipment manifests. Way to go US Department of defense, that’s bush. Bush league!

Locally, Ottawa Senators owner, “Mean Gene” Melnyk is in the news again. This time he is working all levels of government for support on his bid for an Major League Soccer (MLS) team in the nation’s Capital for 2011. While Melnyk has said he’ll front the $40 Million for the franchise, he is looking to the city for the land and stadium support. Ottawa Mayor, Larry O’Brien is now at a toss up on who to support, the bid for yet another try at a CFL franchise, or try for something new with the MLS. Let’s hope a decision on this subject can be made a little quicker than the great OC Transpo bus strike. Personally, StayClassy.net back’s Melnyk on this. He is a proven businessman that can make a professional team last. Hell, he single handedly saved the Sens from sinking one $20 beer at a time! As well, he’s a passionate owner and fully understands the value of hiring professionals and empowering the management. Eugene is cool in our books and we support his MLS movement.

Thinks to look at in the days to come….

- Ottawa’s transit problems still have no end in sight, someone must’ve taken the other out for a nice seafood diner and never called the next day.
- Ottawa for the 2012 All-Star game? HELLS YEA!!!
- In 1944 the Pittsburgh Steelers and Arizona Cardinals merged teams for a year, they were known as the Car-Pitts. Who will win this year… my money’s on the shag!

Until next time,
Dorothy Mantooth is a Saint… A SAINT!

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The "Bauer-less" Ottawa Senators

January 18th, 2009

The identity of the Ottawa Senators is built around Jack Bauer and the 24 cast. To further illustrate this point, here are the similarities between Ottawa and the Fox action series, 24.

Daniel Alfredsson à Jack Bauer – Daniel Alfredsson is the Senators leader the team follows his command. Anyone who can look like Krusty the Klown and still command respect from his team must be the real deal. If Jack Bauer grew his hair long and played hockey, he’d pretend to throw his broken stick into the crowd at the Air Canada Centre too. On second thought, he probably wouldn’t pretend… he’d just do it.

Dany Heatley à Bill Buchanan – Dany Heatley remains one of the Sens few bright spots. He is their leading scorer (which I realize this doesn’t say much) and is averaging nearly a point per game. His propensity to take lots of shots and to score timely goals (except this season) solidifies his comparison to Buchanan, who always seems to have a ridiculous number of guns and back-up ammo at just the right time.

Jason Spezza à Chloe O’Brian – Jason Spezza is the playmaker for Ottawa and he can really anchor the Sens offensive attack. However, Spezza often gives awkward interviews because he laughs in the middle of his sentences, even though he’s being serious. Spezza is the Sens equivalent of 24’s Chloe. Besides, how many times have Spezza’s giveaways (especially late in a period) caused you to say, “Dammit Spezza, we’re running out of time!”?

Zdeno Chara à Tony Almeida – Zdeno Chara was the good guy in Ottawa. He was a fan favourite because of his massive height and his ability to swing Bryan McCabe around like a ragdoll. The term “McCabing Someone” will always have a special place in the hearts of Sens fans. Unfortunately, Ottawa let Chara go and are watching him have Norris trophy-esque seasons with Boston. Basically, it’s a constant reminder that he’s alive and well… Also, Chara has this tendency to make weird faces on the ice, kind of like what Tony’s been doing in Season 7 so far.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMWLFca67ng&hl=en&fs=1]

Antoine Vermette à Kim Bauer – Every once in a while, Kim Bauer would do something good/intelligent on 24. However for the most part, she would just get in the way and give Jack more work to do. While Kim Bauer may have been hot, she was ultimately a big tease that rarely showed signs of greatness.

Bryan Murray à Curtis Manning – Brian Murray is the GM that Sens fans like but struggle to admit it. He says all the right things and seems like a decent-enough guy. Yet while we all still feel somewhat indebted to him for taking Ottawa to the Finals in 2007, it seems to be the general consensus that unless he stands down, he’ll need to be taken out.

Eugene Melnyk à President David Palmer – President Palmer was very likeable and even Bauer listened to him (most of the time). Palmer was always addressing the media, much like Melnyk does, even if it’s to give his coach and GM a ‘semi’ show of confidence. I wonder if this means that Melnyk might consider doing auto insurance commercials?

Randy Sexton à President Charles Logan – Randy Sexton started out as a good guy because he was part of the group that brought the Sens back to life in the early 1990’s. However, it became pretty clear that his vision for the ‘Sens Nation’ was questionable at best. Sexton became the Sens GM at one point, which is absolutely crazy! Whoever let that happen should be tried for treason, along with Sexton! After Sexton got dumped by the Sens, you never really saw him around Ottawa, causing many to wonder if he’d been sentenced to house-arrest like former President Logan on 24.

Alexei Yashin à Nina Myers – Alexi Yashin was an emerging star with the Sens and was the only good thing on an otherwise brutal hockey team. After a couple solid seasons, Yashin held out at the start of the 1995-96 season because he wanted more money (for the first time). “Build a Cup contender from the ground up” philosophy but in the end, he betrayed the Senators twice (just like Nina did Jack!) and became the city’s most hated villain in the process.

Now that 24 is back on the airwaves, the Sens will get back to their winning ways and make a push for the post-season. Their season hangs in the balance and barring a sudden turnaround, they will miss the playoffs for the first time in 12 seasons.

It’s time for the Sens to get their Bauer on! And I don’t mean their skates.

Your reporter in the field,

Brian Fantana
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Posted in NHL Humour

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