That is a cold, hard fact. And women most definitely, incontrovertibly, do not want sex once they have children — or so my friends who have children confess to me. Particularly once their stomachs develop a texture akin to cold porridge. The only reason we do have sex is to get a man, keep a man, steal his sperm and flatter ourselves that we are attractive. Once we have a man, his children, his name on a piece of paper, his youth and his house, we no longer want to indulge in that ridiculous, time-consuming, horizontal dance.
The decades of feminism, the millions of dishonest features in magazines like Cosmopolitan, have misled us. We are not equal to men when it comes to libido. We have other priorities. Sex slips onto a backburner, sliding to the bottom of an almost endless list of things to do that day. All for the cameras: We don't shout and writhe and pursue sex as heartily and relentlessly as men do.
It would be easy to write here that what women want, and enjoy, is the relationship — the love, companionship and closeness. We want love and closeness up to a point. Most of my friends find the men in their lives a mere annoyance to be hovered over, bossed, and moved around as we Hoover under their giant feet.
No wonder so many men stay late in the office. When it comes to sex, men are different. For men, even for the ugly ones, even for New Men, even for men who go with us to the cinema to see Black Swan, sex is as vital as breathing. When I used to creep upstairs to surprise my then-husband in his office, just so I could catch him watching porn and tell him off, he explained his compulsion thus: We have to do it.
And not very romantic. And as women retreat from sex and statistics have revealed we do so very swiftly once embedded in a serious relationship , men by necessity have to look elsewhere. Does he love her?
Liz Jones found affectionate messages on her husband Nirpal Dhaliwal's mobile phone and in his email inbox and subsequently left him after four years of marriage. I would never dream of cheating on a man, not even with an indiscreet text message, a thought or a daydream. I considered men who did so to be disgusting, weak, disloyal, dirty and disease- ridden. The truth is, they are just being men. My husband admitted openly — in fact, wrote about it in his novel — that he had slept with a prostitute before we met.
I found his candour refreshing, and I have to say that I found his high sex drive a turn-on, at first. Later, after a hour day in the office, I found it annoying; yet another chore to be ticked off along with emptying the dishwasher.
I remember going to some industry event on my own, just after my husband had set off for three months travelling in India.
I confided in a male friend: Is that normal for a man in his 20s? When I later found out my male friend was right, the liaison that finally ended our marriage, out of five or six or seven brief affairs with other women, was the one that threatened to teeter into love. He wrote to her in the exact same way he used to write to me, with lots of lower case kisses. Going through his wallet I became crazy once I suspected he was fond of this one , I came across her passport photo.
He stuck up for her, when he should have been sticking up for me. I became obsessed with her. I went to her place of work in Manhattan, wanting to confront her luckily, she was on holiday. I followed her on Facebook. A couple of years later, after my divorce, I told my ex that she had got married and had a baby. I think, looking back, that if the love signs had not been there, I could have forgiven him for looking elsewhere for something that I was too tired or too shy or too busy to give him.
If it had just been sex — even sex with a prostitute, in fact, especially if the sex had been with a prostitute — it would have been so much easier to forgive than an affair. Truth is women have been fed a fantasy, and it is making us all unhappy. I have a friend who works in book publishing. After the birth of her first child, the depression she had suffered on and off, since a teenager, returned with a vengeance. She kept on top of work, but she failed to keep on top of her husband — a nerdy chap who is a teacher in a tough, inner-city school.
Her friends and family were outraged by his behaviour, and she banished him from the family home. He now lives in a bedsit. Sign of the times: I decided to do some more research into the subject of men who stray.
I asked seven of my girlfriends, all of whom are either married or living with a man, when was the last time they had had sex. Another said that she and her boyfriend had stopped having sex years ago, and it was only when, in tears, he threatened to leave her, that they broached the subject. Once again, here was a woman who had bought into the fiction that we have to look perfect to be attractive to a man in bed.
Each woman I spoke to said they put their children before their husband. Only one told me she tried to be as nice to her husband as she is to her female friends. So, what is a man to do?
My dad, my handsome, perfect, upstanding, hardworking dad, loved my mum so deeply that, in old age, not well enough to drive, he used to walk to the shops to get the groceries, and my mum, too disabled to go with him, would stand at the window, waiting to catch the first glimpse of him as he rounded the corner, when he would give her a jaunty salute.
As a year-old, I heard, somehow, that my dad, on a business trip in London, had gone to see Deep Throat, starring Linda Lovelace. I sent him to Coventry. But my mum, from a different generation, thought nothing of it. The views expressed in the contents above are those of our users and do not necessarily reflect the views of MailOnline. I'd rather my man paid for sex than had an affair Share this article Share.
And if they don't get it at home, of course they'll look elsewhere'. Share or comment on this article: Men have always used the prevailing mores of their time to legitimise their exploitation of women, and now they use consumer values.
Consumerism promotes the fulfilment of needs without examining the nature of those needs or the consequences - which provides perfect cover to legitimise prostitution. As one client put it: Clients' understanding of the prostitute's "need" in the survey was pretty vague beyond her wanting cash. What was more likely to deter them was fear of disease or the woman being unattractive. If, as the Home Office estimates, there are about 4, women who have been trafficked into the UK for sex and they can see up to 40 clients a day, there are thousands of men who are effectively raping women every day in this country.
And thousands of men making thousands of pounds a week out of such misery. Piper's billboards represent a flagrant provocation in the process of deluding people into the acceptability of an industry that is exploitative of women and men. I'm no conspiracy theorist, but it seems uncanny timing. It arrives just as the public have begun to grasp something of the horror of sex trafficking thanks to some dogged campaigning; and even more importantly, just as an alliance of committed feminist ministers in key posts - Harriet Harman, Jacqui Smith and Vera Baird - have shown evidence of a serious intent to grapple with the problem of the oldest, and most vicious, profession.
Last week, home secretary Jacqui Smith announced a series of measures to deal with sex trafficking. There is also ambitious talk of bringing in criminalisation of the client, rather than of the prostitute, as Sweden did eight years ago - a move that campaigners have been pressing to be inserted into the criminal justice bill which comes back to parliament after the recess this week. It's going to take more time to prepare the ground, but if this feminist triumvirate pull it off, it would be one of Labour's most important progressive achievements since Don't underestimate the backlash that will be mobilised against such proposals.
Expect more fuck-lit fantasies, more cod claims of female autonomy and whingeing about the nanny state and humourlessness. This is a debate that is long overdue and it's about time women found a voice again. Prostitution is brutal, commercialised misogyny. It's really got to me this time.
Egregious use of female flesh in advertising makes me spit tacks. Billie Piper's barely clothed body has been sprawled over billboards for days - and even a back full-page in this newspaper, to my intense irritation - advertising her new series of television tat, which ITV2 is using to promote its entire brand. Topics Prisons and probation Opinion. Order by newest oldest recommendations.
Show 25 25 50 All. Threads collapsed expanded unthreaded. Loading comments… Trouble loading?16 Aug Sex worker Sarah Greenmore, from Nevada, has revealed all on social networking Sex worker talks about legalising prostitution in the US. Victorian prostitution still exerts the fascination for us that it exerted over its definable as prostitutes, such as those having casual sexual relationships for their own . The antithesis to this complacent belief is perhaps the confession by an. 21 Apr I believe that sex with a prostitute doesn't really, in the greater .. than had an affair a deeply provocative but thought-provoking confession.