Archive for the ‘Other’ category

Hockey players aren’t meant to do hot yoga

December 12th, 2010

I haven’t shared a story in a while. Yeah, one of those stories. I don’t force these kinds of stories, but it’s like I’m on this streak of embarrassing situations unfolding no matter what I do. Anyways I have a good one to share from this weekend. Or not so good, blah — whatever — here goes nothing.

Hockey players definitely aren't meant to do this

This story comes courtesy of a buddy of mine from hockey. He’s from Calgary and is a Flames fan. (Let’s not judge him just yet though.) For the sake of this story, he’ll be known as Flames guy. Before we get started you should know that “getting” sports or anything athletic has always come easy for me. I’m in good shape and am physically active.

Flames guy has been trying to get me to try hot yoga with him for months. I finally agreed to trying it figuring yoga would help me and my 60-year old back. He’s a pretty fit guy and said it helped loosen him up, so I said Why not, what’s the worst thing that could happen?

Famous. Last. Words.

On Saturday I joined Flames guy at hot yoga. We both brought our girlfriends too. (Brilliant, Kev.)  Before this momentous occasion I enjoyed a power breakfast consisting of coffee and whatever cereal I could find in the cupboard. Oh, and on weekends I swap cream with Baileys in my coffee. (Good one, Kev.)

The four of us got to yoga and entered the yoga room, studio-place-thing… and it felt like an inferno. I now know how Indiana Jones felt in the Temple of Doom. Flames guy warned me not to wear a shirt since the 90 minute class will have me dripping in sweat. That didn’t register for a second or two. Then it did, prompting me to quiver a “Uhhh, did you say 90 minutes??”

Within minutes of starting yoga I was sweating more than I ever have in my entire life. More than my NHLPA interviews this past summer. More than any hockey game I’ve played in. One particular exercise had us holding our arms out straight. I could see sweat dripping off my fingers and arms like I was having a shower. My stomach was feeling pretty rough after 30 minutes. Suddenly that power breakfast which was delicious an hour and a half ago (lesson number one kids: don’t eat less than three hours before hot yoga) didn’t feel like such a good idea. I continued with the exercises trying to tough it out. There weren’t any clocks in the inferno/Temple of Doom so I kept telling myself we were nearly done. (Silly mind tricks, Burgundy!)

Coach Reilly - Mighty Ducks Movie

My hot yoga instructor... what the hell???

You can probably guess where this is going. In addition to the inevitable vomit I felt coming, I started feeling incredibly dizzy and lightheaded. I left the Studio of Doom to do what I’d been trying not to do since the session started. I puked in the bathroom. A lot. As I was emptying my breakfast and soul into a bathroom sink, one of the instructors started knocking on the door and yelled that I’m “too young to quit… get back in there.” What the hell? Did that mean Hawks coach (coach Reilly) from the first Mighty Ducks movie have a sex change and start teaching hot yoga in Mimico, Toronto?

I gathered as much strength as I could and returned to the Temple of Doom. Not quite as triumphantly as Paul Kariya’s return in the Stanley Cup finals after a devastating Scott Steven’s hit, but still kind of epic. Well, for me at least. Although puking damaged my pride, I didn’t feel as dizzy. Considering how smashed my ego already was, I figured this was a fair tradeoff.

(Umm… this story gets kind of gross now. That’s your warning).

Round two of hot yoga started and I was doing okay for a bit. That changed quickly towards the end of the session when we started doing heavy breathing exercises. (Sidenote: who the hell does heavy breathing exercises anyways?!)  The breathing proved to be too much. As the session ended, I felt vomit come up my throat and into my mouth. People were leaving the Temple of Doom and I was at least a few minutes away from getting to the bathroom again. I swallowed the vomit. A temporary fix at best. Then one of the instructors came to speak with me to see if I was okay. It was a nice gesture but I needed to get out of the Inferno as quickly as possible. I felt puke come up my throat again. She asked if I was going to throw up. That was the nail in the coffin – now she had me thinking (even more) about throwing up. I tried to swallow the encore vomit but I couldn’t. I threw up all over myself, the shirt Flames guy warned me not to wear and my towel. My towel!

Flames guy was dying from laughing. I was dying from yoga.

Only one shower was left by the time we got back to the dressing room. Flames guy was kind enough to let me have it. I entered the shower fully clothed since my yoga outfit needed a lot of cleaning. After washing myself off, Flames guy and I were talking. I don’t completely remember this part, but I believe he said something to the effect of “I’ll let you tell the story to the [hockey team].” I laughed and said “Thanks. I’ll wait until most of the guys show up.”

On my way out of Hell the instructors checked again to see if, you know, I was still alive. They told me it’s common for people to feel like they might faint or pass out in the first session… or perhaps throw up… I’m pretty sure they were just saying that though. They went on to tell me that most men are guilty of trying to do too much in their first hot yoga class, assuming that was the case with me. I had to cut them off. That simply wasn’t the case. I told them “I wasn’t trying to do too much. In fact, I was trying to find ways to do even less. This just kicked my ass.” In all seriousness, this hot yoga stuff broke me down. It was pretty humbling.

My conclusion: Hockey players aren’t meant to do hot yoga. Now I have to tell this story to my hockey buddies tomorrow night. Wish me luck.

Stay classy, hot yoga. You totally owned me.

P.S – This post was the 500th blog in Stayclassy history. Wow.

January 17th – Best wishes to Rene Faucher

January 28th, 2010

Just another regular Sunday afternoon pickup game at the University of Ottawa Sports Complex ice. Forty year old Rene Faucher, father of three, chased a puck around the net, and in a blink of an eye, catches his skate in a rut and crashes head first into the boards. He slams his 6 foot 4 inch, 210 pound frame into the boards, crushing three vertebrae in an instant. Today, he is paralyzed from the neck down, and an uncertain future lies ahead for his family: a wife, and three kids all under five years old.

Stay classy, Rene Faucher.

Stay classy, Rene Faucher.

The Ottawa Business Journal once named him one of their Forty Under Forty, for the succeses he had with his software company. Last summer he sold the company as he took time to figure out his next entrepreneurial move. As such, he is self-employed, and without any long-term disability insurance.

We often talk about playing with your head up, being careful not to over-do it during recreational hockey. We heed warnings from the City of Ottawa that tell us to “Get in shape to play hockey” rather than “Play hockey to get in shape”. It is a subtle distinction, but an important one. Every year, recreational players die playing the game they love. Every game, the aging player pushes himself harder than he should.

This story is not about that. This is a story of bad circumstances, bad ice and a lot of bad luck. We’ve all caught ruts in the ice before. A twisted ankle, a bad fall perhaps, but usually nothing serious. We often criticize the Zamboni driver and lament the poor ice conditions he leaves us. This story is about a painful twist of fate.

How You Can Help:
From now until February 7th, Sport Experts will be donating 100% of skate sharpening fees to the Faucher family in an effort to assist them during this difficult time. Local Ottawa radio station Team 1200 has information on their website listing other ways to help the Faucher family as well.

Stay classy, Rene Faucher. Best wishes in your recovery.

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Please help Haiti

January 20th, 2010

Amid the tragedy that has unfolded in the past week in Haiti, the major sports leagues and their teams are stepping up and doing their part by donating money towards relief efforts. Definitely a very classy gesture.

A quick rundown:

NFL: $1 million
NBA: $1 million
MLB: $1 million

Hmm. Looks like a definite pattern. Let’s see what the NHL is doing. “The catastrophe in Haiti requires an urgent response from the National Hockey League family,” Bettman said. “The victims need food, water, temporary housing and basic medical supplies, and the emergency effort by UNICEF is helping to provide those critical commodities to communities in desperate need.” Sounds good. And so how much did the NHL contribute?

NHL: $100,000

Honestly, I had to read the news article a few times to make sure I wasn’t missing a zero somewhere. Now I know that the poor NHL is by no means rich like the other leagues, how the NHL suffers under lousy TV contracts, how the US cable networks all but ignore hockey until the playoffs, how the NHL is on the back pages of major US dailies, behind high school sports. How it must pain Bettman as he sips his $6 latte and ponders the enormity of running a league which probably ranks just below bowling on US television ratings.

Mr. Bettman, please wake up and get a grip. There are more people dead in Haiti right now than dollars given by the NHL. There are 300,000 homeless people in Port-au-Prince alone. The daily water demand is 6 to 12 million gallons (enough to fill about 18 Olympic sized pools). This is a country that before Tuesday’s earthquake, was the poorest in the Western Hemisphere. More than half of the total population of 9 million people lived on less than $1 per day, even before the earthquake. The numbers should make you stop and think. It is staggering. And incredibly sad at the same time. This is not about how insignificant Haiti is to the NHL. It is about helping out because you can.

The NHL’s contribution is 10% that of the other leagues. While NHL teams, players and owners do fundraising on their own, other notable donations are pouring in:

Tiger Woods: $3 million
Sandra Bullock: $1 million
Madonna: $250,000
Lance Armstrong: $250,000

Please. Stop embarassing the NHL and all that hockey stands for. Stop embarassing the teams, the owners and the players. Stop embarassing the fans. The NHL’s contribution is just short of insulting.

And finally, for those who might disagree with me, I concede it is tacky to criticize the amount of money donated by anybody. Yes, I know the NHL could have done nothing. Yes, I know the NHL has donated more than I, for example. This is certainly not a contest to see who gives the most. It is about doing what is right, what is decent, what is human.

Gary, please do what is right. Show some class.

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Stayclassy.net’s birthday!

January 7th, 2010

Exactly one year ago today, Stayclassy.net was born. In my first Classy blog I ranted about the Ottawa Senators issues and gushed over the World Junior Championship. A year later, I’m still ranting about the Senators and can’t stop thinking about the epic Canada-USA World Junior game from the other night. Basically, nothing has changed.

I started Stayclassy.net because none of my real friends liked talking about hockey with me. And because one of my closest friend’s bet I wouldn’t take my love of Ron Burgundy to a new level. I’m 73% sure I won that bet.

Slowly a few friends stepped up to help me out and I think we’ve established a good foundation for hockey discussions, opinions, and a small platform for the odd bit of trash-talking (special thanks to PensionPlanPuppets.com and their readers).

If I’ve learned nothing else from running this site, it’s that we’ve enjoyed some amazing support from our great friends and readers. Needless to say, we owe a lot of thank you’s. It’d be impossible to name everyone, but here’s a few that stand out:

One of the cooler things we’ve had the opportunity to do with the site is meet and interview great/knowledgeable hockey personalities in our Classy Interview segment. These interviews have brought out hilarious answers to our immature questions. As you have probably noticed, we ask each interviewee what they believe Sex Panther (anchorman cologne – illegal in 9 countries) really smells like. Let’s have a battle royale with some of the better answers to definitively crown “The Classiest answer ever”. Here are your options:

  • James Duthie, TSN – A combination of dead raccoon, the mill across the river in Thurso, and Ron Jeremy after a six-hour film shoot.
  • Eric Gagnon, Sportsnet – The aroma of Brian Fantana having sex. I mean really, what else would it smell like?
  • Steve Warne, Team 1200 – A mix of Ralph Lauren Polo and cat anus.
  • Jeff Marek, CBC – The bowels of the worst smelling part of a hockey bag. Not the skates or the jock – something far worse – the insides of hockey gloves. They are without a doubt the ultimate chick repellent.

Vote here:

This is one of 358 blogs we’re honoured you’ve taken the time to read (or thought about reading). Our sincerest thanks for helping us achieve what we think was a pretty good first year. Here’s to another 358 Classy posts.

Stay classy, Stayclassy.net readers. Now go grab a glass of scotch or warm milk when you get the chance.

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Questionable hit and even more questionable suspension

November 5th, 2009
Ben Fanelli of the Kitchener Rangers' status has b een upgraded from critical to stable (but serious)

Ben Fanelli of the Kitchener Rangers' status has b een upgraded from critical to stable (but serious)

Not to say I don’t feel sorry for Ben Fanelli after taking a monster hit from Michael Liambas. Fractured skull, fractured orbital bone, lacerations on his face. Large blood loss on the ice from having hit his head on the metal stanchion along the glass. He wasn’t even able to breathe on his own until the day after the hit.

Yesterday, we learned that OHL Commissioner David Branch has suspended Liambas for the rest of the season, including the playoffs. At age 20, Liambas’ junior career is effectively over.

I’m not sure the suspension is warranted. Let’s break down the video:

  1. Liambas never leaves his feet. There is certainly a lot of ice covered before he hits Fanelli, but at worst, it is a boarding or charging call. His last stride is just below the face off dot.
  2. Fanelli’s goalie created a screen. Try watching the video and imagine seeing what Fanelli saw before he gets hit. I’m not sure he even saw Liambas coming, since he was too busy reversing the puck the other way. The goalie inadvertently creates a screen and Fanelli never has a chance to protect himself. Was Fanelli thinking that Liambas would not run the goalie so it should have been a pick play?
  3. Fanelli does not appear to have situational awareness. Stop the video at the six second mark. Look at where Fanelli is as he skates towards the puck which his goalie has stopped. He should have seen Liambas on his right side.
  4. Reversing the puck. At the eight second mark, you’ll see Fanelli almost over-skate the puck so it is in his skates. He has to look straight down to find it again, and then reverses it the other way. By this time, Liambas is right on top of him. Of course in order for him to reverse the puck, he practically has to turn his back to Liambas. As a left hand shot, he could have backhanded it around the net and still would have been facing Liambas.
  5. Helmet popping off. Not sure about this, but I’m willing to guess his helmet chin strap was not done up properly. By the way, earlier media reports indicated that his helmet cracked on impact. Apparently, the helmet was intact — in fact the visor was damaged.
  6. Size differential. Fanelli is 6 ft, 175lbs. Liambas is 5 ft 9in, 204 lbs. All that weight, plus something called momentum. Also, Liambas is 4 years older than Fanelli. All things being equal, that’s four more years of hockey.
  7. Perfect storm of circumstances. Fanelli’s head is right where the stanchion sits. He reverses the puck so his back is to Liambas. Helmet pops off. Visor shatters. If this was a hit along any other part of the boards; if his helmet stays on; if Fanelli has his head up and can protect himself from the hit; if…

A short 10 game suspension, maybe, for the charging. No way I would have suspended him for the entire season. If Branch was trying to send a message to the league, he has certainly done just that.

Stay classy, Ben Fanelli. We’re hoping for your full recovery.

Champ’s Whammy of the week!

September 25th, 2009

Whammy of the week for September 25th… an all out Lacrosse brawl. It keeps going and going. I think some guys engage in multiple fights. Enjoy.

The experience of being an NHL fan

July 10th, 2009

I saw a guy the other day with an Ottawa Senators tattoo on his arm.  The old third jersey logo with the 3-D head.  Not the original Centurion.

I had to ask myself what that guy was thinking when he did that?  I mean, what if he moves, or worse-yet, the team moves?  What if his favourite puppy gets run over by the team bus?  Any regrets?

Which got me thinking.  There are a lot of die-hard fans out there.  You know the ones: they’ll live and die with the team.  They’re opinions are formulated out of a shear, unadulterated passion for this team, whichever team it may be.

But they are also the fans with the least amount of common sense.

When Dany Heatley asks for a trade, they are up in arms, pitchforks and stakes sharpened for the chance they might get to see Heatley.  If the team loses in the playoffs, they lock themselves in their room until the upcoming October for the next season.

These are the same people who heralded the extension of Dany Heatley, Mike Fisher, Chris Kelly, Jason Spezza and Co.  This is the same group of fans who always believe that things are about to turn a corner.  The team just needs to get rid of the bad apples.

But they’re attitudes towards the team extends even beyond optimism.  At times it can be absolute pessimism.  Just listen to the Team 1200 after a loss to hear their rants and raves.  For many of them, Bryan Murray needs to be fired because the Senators, like 28 other teams, haven’t won a Stanley Cup this year (or appeared in the Stanley Cup finals).

And I guess that’s what I appreciate about the hockey blogosphere.  There are so many people out there that deserve mention here, but this is a group of fans that recognize hockey, understand the game, and ultimately know that you cheer for the experience, not the team.  It doesn’t matter what logo is on the front of the chest.  You cheer for how you feel when you see that team win, whoever it might be.

When the Senators went to the Stanley Cup finals in 2007, an entire city embraced the team.  Fans were coming out of the woodwork.  It was slightly offensive to those who watched the team from their inception, but there was a new legion of fans emerging.  But ask half of those fans to name the defensive core of that Senators team, and you will be hard pressed to get answers.

Here at Stayclassy.net, we are victims of our own obsession at times.  We dutifully acknowledge our passion for hockey, and at times can go into vitriolic rants about the game and it’s players (including GMs- with my apologies to Brian Burke).  At times we mean it, and at other times we are merely addressing the ridiculousness of it all.  I hope that in my time writing here, people have had a chance to enjoy the irony of being a fan.

We create storylines, battles and rivalries in our heads, not because they truly exist, but because they will only enhance our experience of watching the game.  And that is, after all, what we’re cheering for.  The Experience.

There’s an old saying: it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey.  Hockey is the same: it’s not about the team on the ice, it’s about the experience of watching them.

No matter what happens over the off-season, we will continue to write.  We will continue to poke fun.  And we will continue to enjoy the experience.  Thanks for enjoying it with us.

Stay classy, loyal readers.

Stayclassy puts their money where their mouth is (Part 3)

July 3rd, 2009

Welcome to the thrilling conclusion of StayClassy’s ball hockey weekend.   To recap, we’ve lost our first two games, with the second game being a last-minute choke job.   So after watching Burgundy deke out Spartacat in the parking lot (it was a pretty good deke, too), the team set up camp by our cars and began the familiar process of recharging our electrolytes.

For lunch, we decided on pizza and beer, though the beer was not cold-certified.   Regardless, it sure did hit the spot.  The clouds had cleared and by this point, it was hotter than Alex Ovechkin’s 50th goal celebration.   Seriously, we all got absolutely baked in the sun.

With almost 5 hours between games, our team had some time to kill and we engaged in a number of high-brow conversations.  Here is the colesnotes of Saturday afternoon:

  • Burgundy’s mother apparently dates younger men…. Ew.  It should be noted that Burgundy and Fantana may or may not share the same mother
  • We saw a team from Vaughan that had its own bus.  They were a pretty intense team with an equally intense coach.  After beating a weaker team, some fat kid pulled a Crosby and wouldn’t shake hands because apparently kids from Vaughn are big trash-talkers.   It should be noted that the fat kid’s dad yelled at him for a while, on 2 separate occasions and the StayClassy team briefly joined in on the fun… I guess it’s safe to say there was no ice cream for this kid on Saturday night
  • While at the Pro Hockey Life store, we all noticed some kid buying a Maple Leafs jersey, so naturally, the StayClassy team boo’ed him.  When asked why he wanted to buy the jersey, the kid said it would match his goalie pads.   Stayclassy recommended that he should just buy new pads
  • Burgundy and Mantooth bought new sticks, but only Burgundy’s stick had “speed holes”.  We thought about trying out the speed machines to see how hard our shots were, but we decided not to because we didn’t want to break the machines

Our third and final game of the afternoon was against InStevado’s Shadow.   I’m guessing Stevado was the guy with the yellow stick blade, because he was the only guy on their team who could score.   StayClassy didn’t like this guy because he slashed and broke Mantooth’s new stick.   Thanks to the pre-game beers, StayClassy won the game 10-6, which was a solid win for us, despite a brutal penalty shot that was called against us late in the game.   Ken was a sniper all day and seemed to score from everywhere.   Fantana got robbed so many times by their goalie but scored a diving goal in the last minute of the game to redeem himself, though he somehow scrapped his finely-shaped buttocks in the process. Burgundy’s air holes/speed holes or whatever you want to call them seemed to help slightly.   Charlie came to cheer us on and to provide some additional coaching, but we were too tired to make conversation with him.   Mantooth had the comment of the day after watching a girl on InStevado’s Shadow take a hard shot to the chest.   She dropped her stick and clutched her breasts and Mantooth exclaimed, “That’s okay, you’ve still got another one!”  Both teams laughed pretty hard.

With the win in Game 3, StayClassy finished 11th in the qualifying round, and as a result, came back on Sunday morning to faceoff with the #5 seeded Ice Holes in the elimination round.   Fantana asked the Ice Holes if they wanted to just go straight to a shootout, believing it was StayClassy’s best chance to win.  We lost 11-3 and it wasn’t even close.   The gas tank was empty for the whole game and we shamefully hung Scott out to dry.  The worst example was when one of the Ice Hole players took three consecutive shots on goal (all saved), before passing to his wide-open teammate on the other side of the crease for an easy tap-in.  All in all, the Ice Holes were a pretty cheap team.  Even their own goalie told them to relax, several times.  They also shot the ball out of play several times, yet somehow dodged any penalties.   They even hit Spartacat in the head on one play.  I secretly think that Spartacat was thrilled to finally have an excuse to explain his hungover behaviour!   Charlie also brought some dilly bars for us, but they melted way before the game was over, just like our team did.

It was a fun weekend with many memorable highlights but after losing to the Ice Holes, we were actually quite relieved.  We were all very sore and sunburnt so an early end to our tournament wasn’t the worst thing that could’ve happened to us.  We decided to eat lunch at Moxie’s.  A few notes about Moxie’s:

  • If you see a hamburger with an egg on it on the menu, don’t order it.  It’s gross
  • If you ever go to the Moxie’s at the Kanata Centrum, be sure to ask about the guy who ate two consecutive chicken alfredo dishes for dinner.  I heard he ate alone and was very skinny
  • If you’re a dude staying in Vancouver’s gay district, don’t go to Moxie’s expecting waitresses… it’s all waiters
  • If your wife/girlfriend asks if you’ve ever been to Moxie’s before, the answer is always no.  Always

Look out next year for the StayClassy team in the Play On! Tournament.   We’ll be back and we’ll bring more subs with us next year.   Perhaps Baxter will join the team and maybe Tambland will make an appearance.   We may even have Ken/Corningstone back too.   We also plan to drink before every game next year, as that was the secret for this year’s sole victory.  Waterproof sunblock will also be valuable and we’ll try to enter the kids leagues too.

Your reporter in the field,

Fantana

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Stayclassy puts their money where their mouth is (Part 2)

July 1st, 2009

After a disappointing result in Game 1, the StayClassy team faced a difficult decision – Should they go suit shopping or should they hit up BJ’s (Booster Juice)? Given the manliness of our team, we elected for BJ’s. As Mantooth pointed out in part 1 of this story, Burgundy, Fantana, Mantooth and Scott all got awesome Terminator Smoothies with power boosts. Meanwhile, after unsuccessfully championing for team wheat shots, Ken (a.k.a Corningstone) got a Pomegranate Punch Smoothie. Weak Ken…

Here were some of the topics we discussed during our post game meeting at BJ’s:

  • Next year, we’ll definitely have more subs
  • The Ron Burgundy School of Driving should be avoided at all costs
  • Our team decided to employ a dump ‘n chase strategy for the remainder of the tournament, with the chase part of the strategy being optional
  • After sharing a few laughs with another under-manned team (Hicks with Sticks), the team decided to go across the Centrum parking lot to Wal-Mart. We drove there.
  • While at Wal-Mart, several critical debates ensued, including one about which kind of Gatorade we should buy (G or G2). Suffice to say, G2 won because its label clearly indicated that it could recharge our electrolytes, whereas G could not. This was critical for our team and especially so for Ken, who would go on to consume a whopping 7 G2’s during the day.
  • Burgundy began creating excuses, saying things like, “I think I need a new stick” and “My stick sucks and that’s why I only scored one goal again that Pontiac team”. However, Burgundy did not purchase a new stick prior to game 2.

Game 2 – StayClassy v.s. The Minute Men

Our second game of the day was at noon and the overcast clouds were starting to clear. This wasn’t good news because that meant it was about to get much hotter. We were playing the Minute Men, which upon arrival to the rink, looked like a bunch of wimps. This delighted the StayClassy goonsquad.

With our new Jacques Martin defensive strategy worked out, all that was left was its execution. The game started and StayClassy quickly found themselves in the lead. As it turned out, The Minute Men weren’t very swift because they couldn’t figure out how we’d basically just ice the ball to a cherry-picking forward and score. After the first half, StayClassy were up 6-4, despite being outworked by a younger Minute Men team.

Things were looking good, but our energy was running low. We attributed the lead to our brilliant strategy and to the G2. However, things took a turn for the worse in the second half. As our energy levels dropped, The Minute Men’s increased. Soon, our defensive strategy mutated into an even lazier strategy of standing in front of the net and blocking passes out front. We barely chased them in the corners or behind the net.

Then, the unthinkable happened.

The earlier reference to Jacques Martin was truly appropriate and was very fitting given that we were playing in the ScotiaBank parking lot. Still not following? We choked. Yeah, that’s right, we choked. Our two-goal lead vanished and they scored a number of garbage goals that deflected off of our own team.

Highlights of the game included Scott making some great saves, especially in the second half when the forwards were too tired to do anything. Mantooth had a few good elbows out there and kept us laughing by declaring “News team assemble!” Burgundy and Ken each scored two goals, while Fantana had a hattrick. In fact, on his third goal of the game, he screamed “Hattrick!” to the crowd but nobody appeared to understand what he said. The TSN Turning Point of the game was a 2-on-0 for StayClassy early in the second half that saw Burgundy make a perfect pass to Fantana. Fantana got too cute and was poke-checked by the goaltender… ouch! So to recap, a 2-on-0 didn’t even generate a shot on goal.

The Minute Men won the game 11-9 and Burgundy banged his stick several times. Overall, it was a tight game and The Minute Men weren’t more skilled than StayClassy, with the exception of the guy with the red blade… he wasn’t bad and probably scored 5 or 6 goals on us alone. What a heart-breaker and the loss brought StayClassy’s record to 0-2. We thought this was supposed to be a beginner’s league? What gives?

Stay tuned for the post-game meeting, which would see some dramatic transformations to our strategy, as well as the from game 3.

Your reporter in the field,

Fantana

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Stayclassy puts their money where their mouth is (Part 1)

June 30th, 2009

That’s right, internet, you read the headline correctly. This weekend, The Channel 4 News team decided to ditch the keyboards and twitter accounts, and do what no news team has done before… lace up the shoes and strap on their shin guards – we played in CBC’s Play On! 4-on-4 Road Hockey Tournament.

Team Stayclassy.net was in Ottawas PlayOn tournament

Team Stayclassy.net was in Ottawa's PlayOn tournament

Game 1 – StayClassy v.s. Pontiac Lightning

Our first game was at 8:40am and while this was way too early for a Saturday, it wasn’t very hot outside and made for pretty good street hockey conditions. We saw we were playing a team called the Pontiac Lightning, which we all hoped would mimic real life and tank the game. As we strode up to the fenced-in rink, Fantana noted the mean-looking bandanas some of their team was wearing. And I don’t mean the sissy ones that Kelly Hrudey wore, I’m talking real, biker bandanas. Upon reflection, this was probably a sign of things to come. We should’ve stocked up on tridents and brass knuckles for this one.

The games are played with two 15 minute halves and a quick two minute breather in between. We started the game and within a few minutes, several things are apparent:

  • StayClassy’s team did not have enough substitutes
  • Mantooth took first dibs on the gift bags and took all the good stuff
  • StayClassy’s team weren’t in the best of shape
  • Pontiac turned out to be a pretty good team (they actually ran – who does that?)
  • StayClassy’s electrolytes needed replenishing, badly
  • The team’s theme song would be “Afternoon Delight

It was a pretty tight opening half and we were tied 1-1. At the half, the whole StayClassy team was pretty drained. That two minute half-time break was nowhere near long enough. As a side note, you know it’s a bad sign when all three players on the rink start walking over to the bench for a change, but there’s only one sub… not good. Anyway, the second half got much tougher and a series of broken plays turned into a 5-1 lead for Pontiac.

They ended up winning by a final score of 6-3, but it should be noted that StayClassy had goals scored from Burgundy, Fantana and a guy named Ken (leading candidate to become Corningstone). Also, Mantooth was on the team and played a solid and cheap game. Mantooth blocked a really hard shot and this left an awesome welt on the back of his left thigh. If he busts that out to any ladies, he may very well get some afternoon delight. Our goaltender, Scott, took team MVP honours because in the 2nd half, he made a number of awesome saves, especially since StayClassy’s defence was more like e-ffence – Where’s the D?

A quick team meeting after the game determined several things:

  • Not having enough subs was going to be a prevailing theme throughout the weekend
  • Fantana has a better vernacular than Burgundy but this Corningstone guy might take the cake
  • StayClassy’s electrolytes still needed replenishing, badly
  • A visit to BJ’s (Booster Juice) was necessary
  • We needed a better strategy

So we ditched our sweaty gear and high-tailed it to BJ’s for some wheat shots and boosts. Stay tuned for the post-game meeting, as well as the action from games 2 and 3.

Your reporter in the field,

Fantana

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