Author Archive

Totally untrue interview of NHL stars

July 23rd, 2009

Chris Phillips Edition.

Hello all you hockey fans out there. With the lack of news, I have gone into the field to get the interviews of NHL stars out there. The only problem is, they all declined my interviews. So I have had no choice, but to completely falsify these responses.

Chris Phillips was born in 1978, in Calgary, Alberta. His parents, Rhonda and Steven Phillips met in 1976 at a family reunion in Red Deer, Alberta. Chris Joined the Ottawa Senators in 1992 as a Gatorade mixer. Within a year, he was promoted to locker room Febreze Technician, a role he held for 4 straight years. In 1997 Chris was given a chance to show his stuff as a hockey player… The only problem is, for his first year, they didn’t have hockey skates that would fit him, so he was forced to play in figure skates. Chris didn’t care; he just mastered the double sow-cow.

I’ve had a chance to catch up with Chris, in an effort to get to know him on a more personal level.

Wes Mantooth – “Chris, thank you for taking time out of summer job working at Orange Julius to meet with me today.”

Chris Phillips – “Pleasure is all mine Wes, I only have 10 minutes left on my break, and Mr. Johnson will get upset if I am late getting back to work, so this will have to keep this short.”

W.M – “OK, let’s start with; what is your favourite song?”

C.P – “Easy answer, ‘Ebony and Ivory’ by Paul McCartney & Stevie Wonder. My mom used to tuck me into bed and sing that every night as I was growing up!”

W.M – “What is your favourite restaurant?”

C.P – “I live in a 2 bedroom apartment with my wife and 3 kids, above our favourite place to eat, ‘Wok This Way’. We just can’t figure out why our pet cats keep on running away :S”

W.M – “Where was the last place you took a vacation?”

C.P – “We went to were my wife has wanted to go all her life, ‘Pecker’s Point, NFLD’. I’m still not sure why? Apparently next year she wants to visit ‘Cockland, Ohio’.

W.M – “OK, that was a little weird. Let’s finish this interview off with one last question. Finish this sentence, ‘If I weren’t a hockey player, I would be…’”

C.P – “Llama Shearer”

Well, let’s hope that hockey news starts up soon. Otherwise I will be forced to interview another NHL star. Please start submitting your requests for you would like to see interviewed.

Until next time,

Chris Phillips is a saint, A SAINT!

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Marketing suggestions for the NHL

June 15th, 2009

To:  The National Hockey League

Subject:  RE: Marketing the NHL

 

Dear NHL;

 

First off let me say that I am an avid hockey fan, Ottawa Senators especially. This past playoffs, I watched approximately 90% of the games, even though my Senators weren’t there. I am pretty active on Twitter and saw some folks take matters into their own hands to promote the sport. These people do it for nothing but the love of the sport.

 

I did notice that there was some “official” twitterer’s from the NHL, but saw little to no action from them. How do you expect to promote you sport, if you can’t feed the largest/fastest growing segment. I will give CBC some props for its iDesk thing that it would do, but this was not run by the League, only a network.

What do we want to see? We want to see the league move forward with the times. Lets empty out these press boxes put the major TV networks in there and the top bloggers in there. Newspaper reports are getting way too bland, and just don’t have the heart in them that these bloggers put into their stories.

Let’s also open the doors up to the dressing rooms/benches/offices. I’d love to see some live tweets of randomness. Stuff like the inspirational speech the captain gives when the team is down by 1 goal with 20 minutes left to play. The banter from the bench on that last questionable call the ref made. And let’s not forget, what is really happening with the Phoenix Coyotes franchise.

NHL, please put these things into consideration. Newspaper companies are folding because the public is moving forward. Its time you moved forward with the way you give your public information that they are asking for.

 

Tweeting for the people,

@Wes_Mantooth

 

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CFL win = Ottawa city council FAIL

April 21st, 2009

Ottawa City Council must be full of tools (like we didn’t know that already), if they pick to go with the Lansdowne live/CFL team, and not the MLS route.  I for one, know that if I was part of that Council, I would be rolling heads in those meetings to all of those who are supporting the CFL return.  Way to spend tax dollars. 

Let’s start with, the Rough Riders, Renegades, or whatever “R” word they are going to use this time.  Yes they have had a long history in the league, but that is history.  Just like their playoff record, 9 Grey Cups in 64 years of play.  That’s a respectable stat, only when your league consists of more than 9 teams!  The last time they won, was 1976.  I wasn’t even born then!  The last time they made the big game was 1981… Can any of you fans name 10 players that were on the team then without looking it up?  I didn’t think so.

 

Now let’s move to the management group that is running the show this time around.  Jeff Hunt and team, think they can make it work.  First let’s see, the major reason the team folded in 1996 was increasing lack of fan support/attendance.  Now, I was in the Ottawa area when the Renegades made a comeback to the league.  In the 3 years they were back, all I remember is the “Gades” practically giving tickets away at prices that were super cheap… Problem being, the team sucked, the game sucked, the parking/traffic sucked, even the cheerleaders sucked.  The team was losing millions each year, and it could have been Management, but attendance still had to be the key.  Hunt thinks he can do what they couldn’t accomplish in the 60 years the team was around?  He must be a marketing genius, just look how rich he is getting off of the 67’s, they play in some basement of an arena.

 

The CFL has a minimum 25,000 seats required by the home team stadium.  Well, I’d be afraid to put 50 people in the stands of Frank Clair Stadium, without causing structural stress.  So Jeff Hunt and crew are pushing the city to rebuild the stadium, for a team that won’t fill the seat.  This is history people!  CFL is not a fit in Ottawa, the novelty of the team will fade after 2 games, then empty seats again.

 

Mean Gene-Eugene Melnyk came to the table last year with a proposition to bring the growing MLS league to Ottawa.  Proven that he can take a team on the brink of folding and make it a successful franchise here in Ottawa, I have faith that he can do the same with a MLS team.  Gene has a location that is awesome with Tons of parking already, and with construction on the Queensway to ease traffic nearing completion.  This is looking to be the way to go.

 

But Wes, why MLS?  Who cares about stupid old soccer, and how many people are going to watch low scoring games?  Well, since you ask, the potential fan base is so large, it rivals hockey in the Ottawa area.  In 2005 there was 2,695,712 registered players in Canada.  Let’s say that Ottawa holds 15% of that number (Its most likely higher than that).  That gives us 351,614 players in Ottawa and surrounding area.  By shear number, if even 10% were to say they would go to a game that leaves an average of 35,000 people you can expect. 

 

A problem we have, is all of these same people keep on saying that CFL is the way to go.  I’m sorry, but you’ve had your chance, CFL.  Let’s not waste our time or dime on something that is going to fail yet again.  Turn Lansdowne into a real park!  Give a proven Franchise owner the team!  Melnyk will succeed and Stay Classy has his back!

 

Eugene Melnyk is a Saint, A SAINT!

Mantooth

 

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Budgets, facebook and soccer in Ottawa

January 29th, 2009

Good Evening, I’m Wes Mantooth and this is what’s happening in your world tonight.

On Tuesday, we were graced with the Conservative Budget plan. While there may have been tax cuts across the board, and spending like wild, I didn’t see much in the line of support for the everyday Anchorman. All I can expect out of this is roughly $1300 towards house renovations (more Mahogany?) and a little extra on each paycheque to go and spend. There will be about enough to buy a glass of scotch and a Burrito. I find it hard to call this budget an economic stimulus.

Breaking news in the Middle East of England. The 3rd time in the past year, a woman was murdered by her husband over popular social networking site, Facebook. It appears that she changed her status from married to single, and this sparked an outrage that lead to her death. Oh what a wonderful thing this whole social networking fad has turned out to be… look for Stayclassy.net on Facebook, and become a fan!

This just in: Canon is the world’s greatest camera manufacturer. And it doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with their cameras. In response to Japan’s aging population and the fact that couples are having too few children, Canon called off the traditional 12-hour workday twice a week, encouraging their employees to go home early and have some Afternoon Delight.

How secure is your personal information? Probably not as secure as you would think. Recently, an MP3 player was purchased from a pawnshop in Oklahoma, with a little bit of a surprise. 60 files containing deployed soldiers personal info, mission briefings and base equipment manifests. Way to go US Department of defense, that’s bush. Bush league!

Locally, Ottawa Senators owner, “Mean Gene” Melnyk is in the news again. This time he is working all levels of government for support on his bid for an Major League Soccer (MLS) team in the nation’s Capital for 2011. While Melnyk has said he’ll front the $40 Million for the franchise, he is looking to the city for the land and stadium support. Ottawa Mayor, Larry O’Brien is now at a toss up on who to support, the bid for yet another try at a CFL franchise, or try for something new with the MLS. Let’s hope a decision on this subject can be made a little quicker than the great OC Transpo bus strike. Personally, StayClassy.net back’s Melnyk on this. He is a proven businessman that can make a professional team last. Hell, he single handedly saved the Sens from sinking one $20 beer at a time! As well, he’s a passionate owner and fully understands the value of hiring professionals and empowering the management. Eugene is cool in our books and we support his MLS movement.

Thinks to look at in the days to come….

- Ottawa’s transit problems still have no end in sight, someone must’ve taken the other out for a nice seafood diner and never called the next day.
- Ottawa for the 2012 All-Star game? HELLS YEA!!!
- In 1944 the Pittsburgh Steelers and Arizona Cardinals merged teams for a year, they were known as the Car-Pitts. Who will win this year… my money’s on the shag!

Until next time,
Dorothy Mantooth is a Saint… A SAINT!

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Solid as Barack!

January 15th, 2009

Good Evening, I’m Wes Mantooth and this is what’s happening in your world tonight.

In less than one week, the 44th US President, Barak Obama will be inaugurated into office. He is kind of a big deal, people know him – he is very important. And unless you’ve lived under a rock for the past 2 years, you might have heard of him. Barack Obama, loved by America as Ron Burgundy in San Diego. This is the biggest story around since Ling Wong, the panda from the San Diego Zoo got pregnant.

Recently, I stumbled across some interesting, not-so-well-known facts about Mr. Obama: He’s pretty tall, not that tall, but taller than most people. He’s also skinny, in good shape really, but skinny in the eyes of most Americans. He didn’t go to Yale, Harvard or Princeton for his undergraduate degree. Sure, he went to Columbia, but President George Bush went to Yale and look at that guy. Obama was born in Hawaii… that’s a pretty weird state, right? Exciting times ahead, but watch out for the guns, they’ll get you!

In other news, US Congress has been seeing they’re fair share of bailout requests during these hard economic times. And even the mighty are falling. Expect to see members of the US Senate rush to return their pants, due to ‘optical illusions’ in the crotchal region when porn barons plead their case for help. Hustler magazine publisher Larry Flint and Girls Gone Wild CEO Joe Francis issued a joint plea for Congress to ‘pump’ $5 Billon into the limping industry. They claim that the current economic woes are hurting the porn industry and that federal assistance is required to get things back up. The solution is really quite simple, it’s kinda like, “Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight, gonna grab some afternoon delight…”

Citizens in Ottawa have been dealing with some setbacks of their own recently. OC Transpo and ATU Local 279, has been on strike now for well over a month now. Union leader, Andre Cornellier has finally done one smart thing since this whole strike started – he stopped talking to the media. Cornellier’s few media appearances have done little for the union, other than making them look like a bunch of tools. As for the city, Mayor Larry O’Brien is taking a huge gamble holding his ground and I give him credit for that. But there is only one thing a man can do when he’s suffering a spiritual and existential funk… Buy a new suit (preferably not light blue – you may end up looking like a blueberry)! Unfortunately, that is quite some walk for the Mayor. Last I heard, he walked 45 minutes, and still didn’t know where he was. The city and union might have to shake up the negotiating by having a woman change their diapers, wipe the dribble away from their bubbling lips, rub vaseline all over their hinnies and tell them they’re special and different from everyone else. She could tuck them in after negations, give them a little kiss on their foreheads and tell them everything will be ok. It’s time to get serious and time to polka!

Y2K9 looks like it will be a great year for News Anchors all over the world! Some things to think about…

- If you are into investing, wow you’re naive… but gold is still a sure shot!
- Nortel is still out there to everyone’s surprise, but probably not for too much longer.
- Will Obama save the sinking economy, starting with a $160M inauguration party?
- Superbowl is around the bend… don’t expect a “nipple gate” from Bruce Springsteen.
- Will the Ottawa Senators get the NHL’s number one draft pick? Hedman or Tavares or another WJC star?

Until next time,

Dorothy Mantooth is a Saint…A SAINT!
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