Things to consider when picking a new team captain

September 29th, 2010 by Burgundy Leave a reply »

On Wednesday morning, the Montreal Canadiens officially announced Brian Gionta as their new team captain. It’s a great selection too, even though it took the Canadiens way too long to figure it out and announce it. I think the long awaited announcement took longer than most of their Centennial pre-game ceremonies last year… ouch.

Brian Gionta - Montreal Canadiens newest captain

Is it Captain... or "Chaptain?"

Anyways, choosing a team captain for a storied franchise can’t be easy. There’s literally hundreds of thoughts and factors that go into such an important decision. A good friend of mine, who is very connected with the Canadiens, recently sent me some interesting criteria the Habs had for picking their new captain. With today’s news, I figured many fans would be interested to see how Gionta ended up with the “C.”

Consider: Is the player American?
Reason: The last Habs captain who was American played in the NHL until he was 100.

Consider: Is the player 25 or younger?
Reason: Historically, the last two Stanley Cup winning teams have had very young captains.

Consider: Is the player a goalie?
Reason: Fans will forever wonder if the “C” on the face mask stands for “Canadiens” or “Captain.”

Consider: Can the player fight?
Reason: It’s important that the captain be able to occasionally defend teammates on the ice or in dark alleyways.

Consider: Does the player have a strong sense of humour?
Reason: He’ll need to know when and when not to laugh during Carey Price interviews.

Consider: Does this player have any Stanley Cup experience?
Reason: We’re not picking captains for the Toronto Maple Leafs…

Consider: Is this player’s name easy to spell?
Reason: Spelling C-A-M-A-L-L-E-R-I or P-L-E-K-A-N-I-C-H-X is a pain in the ass.

Consider: Is this player photogenic?
Reason: Former Canadiens captain, Saku Koivu, didn’t always have his eyes open in some pictures.

Consider: Can this player speak French?
Reason: He needs to be able to hold conversations with media and fans like “Je suis d’accord, nous aurions dû garder Halak.”
(Translation: “I agree, we should have kept Halak.”)

There you have it! That’s how Brian Gionta ended up as the Montreal Canadiens captain. Please don’t hate me, Habs fans.

Stay classy, NHL team captains.

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11 comments

  1. metricjulie says:

    We don’t care about you enough to hate you.

  2. Somehow I don’t see Gionta’s captaincy lasting terribly long in Montreal.

  3. I hope Carey Price gives him a stool as a captaincy gift.

    Was that a Koivu eye injury dig?

  4. Burgundy says:

    @ Justin – Umm *sigh* Yeah, yeah it was. I’m a terrible person.

    @ Keith – I think Gionta will be fine as captain, at least for as long as his current contract is. He seems like a good leader, hard worker, someone who’s been to the Finals and won.

    @ Julie – Are we still in love?

  5. SensDew19 says:

    I don’t know which is funnier, the blog content or Metric Julie’s comment :p

    Hmm having Price as Captain would have been interesting to see you know…

  6. Lewy says:

    Instant classic. I’m spelling it Plekanichx from now on.

  7. Burgundy says:

    @ SensDew19 – In my humble opinion, Julie’s comment is definitely funnier. Actually, it’s the only funny thing on this site. I still think she hates me.

    @ Lewy – Thanks buddy. Please carry the Plekanichx torch. It’s the most ridiculous name in the NHL! I’ll support you!

  8. Jason says:

    Plekanichx is infinitely easier to remember than Byfuglien or Joe Nieuwenfuckiforgottherestofthelettersinthisgoddamnnamedyke.

  9. SensDew19 says:

    If that was only thing funny on this site you wouldn’t have gotten so many reads ;) you underrate your blog’s awesomeness too much

  10. jared says:

    “Please carry the Plekanichx torch. It’s the most ridiculous name in the NHL!”

    HAHAHAHAHA so true!!

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