Found! Actual transcript between Jason Spezza and Bryan Murray

June 6th, 2010 by Burgundy Leave a reply »

You are in luck. A third Stayclassy post in three days. I guess I am feeling creative or something… (that something might be Justin from the Hockeycardshow suggesting I do this, but whatever…).

Lately there have been some heavy rumors suggesting Jason Spezza might ask to be traded prior to his No Trade Clause kicking on July 1st. It’s been reported by several (read: not credible) sports outlets that this is a result of Senators fans booing Spezza during their 1st Round Playoff exit at the hands of the Pittsburgh Penguins.

Both Bryan Murray and Jason Spezza have been fairly quiet on the matter (probably a good idea after last summer’s Heatley debachle). Murray has even indicated he hopes to sit down with Spezza prior to the NHL Entry draft to follow up on the previous conversation the two shared days after being eliminated from the Stanley Cup Playoffs (read: weird post-season tournament where all the good teams lost early and screwed up hockey pools around the world).

What many don’t know is this follow up interview has already taken place! Luckily for you I have most of the interview transcribed. Here it is:

Bryan Murray: Thanksh for sitting down with me Jashon. There’sh a few things I’d like to follow up with…

Jason Spezza: Before getting into what I said a few months ago I have to ask. Why did you tell the media about my frustration with being booed? That was kind of a D-Bag move, man.

BM: Look I’m shaawwry about that. That was actually Eugene Melnyk’s fault. He told me to do that.

JS: Since when does he give you advice on running a pro hockey team?

BM: Well Jashon I won’t lie to you. He’s gotten very good at NHL10 on PlayStation. He told me he uses this tactic a lot when trying to make trades in franchise mode. His gamer score is pretty aweshome. I believe him.

JS: Is that the game with me on the cover?

BM: No. You are talking about NHL2k8. Totally different game.

JS: I’m starting to feel this organization doesn’t love me like I want to be loved! I helped design that game and my team owner is off playing another hockey game??? I even included my trademark behind-the-back pass moves!

BM: Yeah I know… that’sh actually a complaint of many players. They say it causes too many nearly-inshtant goals against. Anyways… We really want you to stay an Ottawa Senator. You are a leader of this team and frankly my career needs you to stay here and produce like everyone thinksh you can.

JS: You mean you can’t afford to trade another star player for “top 6 forwards” that are actually role players on 3rd/4th lines?

BM: Exshactly. It might discredit all future interviews I do when I talk about the team needing one final top 6 forward and top 4 defencemen to round out the solid group I have in place.

JS: * Giggles lots * Dude! I totally don’t believe you anymore when you say that — * Giggling increases *

* More giggling transpires… *

* Still going… *

BM: Jashon, you were saying?

* Still giggling… It’s like this giggling is being looped! *

BM: Schtop your damn giggling and get to the point!

JS: Right. OK. We keep getting sidetracked here. None of this conversation changes the fact that I don’t like being booed in my own building. I’m frustrated that the only thing this city shows emotion for is my ‘unlucky turnovers’ and tax season. I need to know what we’re prepared to do to stop the boo’s. It’s the only way I’ll stay in Ottawa.

BM: I have shome ideashs. I’ll call the City of Ottawa and have them indefinitely delay the Queensway expansion to tie up traffic getting to each home game. That way less people will be in the arena for game time. Less people equals less boo’s. It’s physhicshx.

JS: Nice. What else d’ya got?

BM: We could have the Shparta Cat blast hot dogs into the crowd every time you make a bad passh. Fans will never be able to boo because their mouths will be forever loaded with fake meat and bad shoe leather hot dogs! And we could make excuses for you like “Michalek needs another knee surgery”. We can probably get away with that excuse 2-3 times per season.

JS: *Nods in approval*

BM: We could also claim the dressing room lacks character players. I need to resign Nick Foligno soon. I don’t really know what the hell kind of offer to give him so we could make him the scape goat. That helps both of us.

JS: Nice! His nose freaks me out too. Oh! Can we get Mike Comrie back?

BM: Is he still playing hockey? I could probably offer our first round pick for next season. I’d have to check with Eugene but I’m pretty sure he’ll be cool with it. He’s probably already done this on NHL10 anyways. Anything else Jashon?

JS: One last thing. This is kind of random. When TSN and CBC show General Managers on TV in their Suites writing things down, what are you writing and doing?

BM: Well most guys do different schtuff. Personally I like crossword puzzles. And I know Burkie likes Sh… Shudsh… Shudokushs. That’s like the hardestsh word to say!! Anyways between me and you he really sucksh at them. He never uses the number 2… no clue why.

JS: Nice! OK. I have to go stop off at the bank and meet McGrattan and Emery for lunch. Apparently they need me to spot them a bunch of cash for something “fun”. Not sure what that means. See you in a few weeks.

I’m sure many fans of the Senators and Spezza will get mad and defensive over this “transcript”. If you are angered please lighten up. In all seriousness trading Jason Spezza would be the worst thing this organization could do for two reasons:

  1. There is no way the Senators can replace a #1 center like Spezza (via free agency or from within their organization).
  2. The Senators cannot afford the negative press that would come from losing another star player for nothing (they wouldn’t get anywhere near the value in return) in consecutive years. Season ticket sales would take an even bigger nose dive and the organization’s reputation would hurt the team for years to come.

Stay classy, Jason Schpezzsha.

***

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4 comments

  1. Greatness, I really liked it.

  2. Sens19 says:

    Im going to pretend like Im all angry and pissed off at you but secretly Im dying from laughter :p

    GOLD!

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