Other NHL haircuts

May 19th, 2010 by Burgundy Leave a reply »

It’s that time of year for beards, crazy hair and the occasional blowing of a 3-0 series lead. By now, everyone has seen Patrick Kane’s response to the Playoff beard (see right). That’s right, the mullet. As awesome as the mullet is, Kane has all but said he’s cutting it off as soon as the Playoffs end.

As disappointing as this might be to some, I’ve come to learn that many other NHL players sport interesting haircuts. So before we get teary-eyed about Kane soon chopping off the mullet, let’s take a closer look at other NHL haircuts:

  • The Scott Hartnell – This mess of a haircut is a wall of curls by nature. It’s like Carrot Top meets Hurley from Lost. I find it remarkable that Hartnell manages to stuff a helmet over that ‘do’ before every game. In saying that, I find it more remarkable that Alex Burrows hasn’t pulled Hartnell’s hair yet.
  • The Patrick Kane – What else can I say about Patrick Kane’s ‘Joe Dirt’ look? It’s tremendous that he’s kept the cut for more than a month now. I hope he doesn’t have a problem with change when cutting day comes.
  • The Jaromir Jagr – Similar to The Kane in style, but this haircut acts as more of a pheromone to some in the hockey world. At times, these pheromone’s draw out deadly Russian enemies (mostly in British Columbia), but such an occasion is rare. Most of the time Jagr’s scent attracts individuals desperate enough to think a 38 year old can save a hockey franchise from short term doom.
  • The Ilya Kovalchuk – Few know this, but Kovalchuk’s hair is a clever nod to the way he plays hockey. The parting in his hair represents himself on one side and whichever team he plays for (and their style) on the other. Yeah, I can’t see this haircut matching with red and green colored jerseys.
  • The Carey Price – Always immaculate, Carey Price’s hair is simply stunning. There’s never a hair out of place… largely because he rarely has to wear a helmet. I can hear it now, “Ha Ha ha Burgundy, that joke was a RIOT” – Habs fans everywhere.
  • The Thomas Vanek – This haircut features a ton of dazzle and flair at all times. However, the joints and body of hair in this ‘do’ are frequently damaged by as little as a small gust of wind. Due to the elusiveness of The Vanek haircut in action, I have no image to show for this ‘do’.
  • The Bruce Boudreau – The bald-cut requires a good sized scalp in order to be done correctly. The scalp needs to be adaptable to seasonal changes. In the winter, the scalp needs to be able to expand in accordance with one’s ego (generally between September and April). The scalp must act as  a defense mechanism by contracting and acting as a shield during the rough summer months when activity is low (generally between May and July).

Stay classy, other NHL haircuts.

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7 comments

  1. Lewy says:

    Loved the Vanek and Price. Well done, yet again!

  2. Wes Mantooth says:

    Wickedly Funny! Love the Boudreau picture!

  3. Sens19 says:

    Hey Price’s hair will get messed up next game :p and goddamn I hate tht Kane Mullet so much!! Actually I just hate Kane everything ;)

  4. Burgundy says:

    @ Sens19 – I’m still not sure I know why you dislike Kane so much. Elaborate please?

  5. Sens19 says:

    lol I don’t think I have a particular reason other than he just seems so full himself all the time. I like Chicago cause of their hardworking ethic & play of the guys like Toews, Sharp, Niemi, Buff… Kane just doesn’t reflect that. Something about him eeks me, I know tht doesn’t make much sense lol but I just can’t stand him

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