Dear Mr. Hossa,
Wow. Long time eh? Well, not so much for you. But it’s been awhile for me. I mean, you still haven’t responded to any of my four letters that I wrote to you. You know the ones. The first one when I introduced you to the hockey gods, the second one when I told you to sign with Ottawa, the third when I questioned your decision to sign with Chicago, and the fourth when I informed you that you had essentially cursed Chicago from winning the Stanley Cup.
Anyways, as I said, I feel like we’ve sort of lost touch. I mean, you were out of the lineup for awhile there after that whole surgery thing. And now, with you in the Western Conference for a second season (and 12 friggin more seasons), I really don’t have the patience to stay up and watch your games. But, from what Burgundy tells me, your team is doing pretty good.
The reason for this letter though is to talk to you a bit about the Olympics. From what I gather, you’re going to be playing again. And while this may seem like a bit of a backward request for a number of reasons, can you please keep an eye on Patrick Kane?
First of all, he’s heading to Vancouver, which, as you may or may not know, has some pretty loose morals when it comes to inhibition inhibitors. I’m not sure what kind of effect this might have on the American Hockey Team, but it can’t be good. Now I’m not saying that I want the U.S. Hockey Team to do well, but it would be at least entertaining to watch them play Canada in the Gold Medal Game again (Lord knows I don’t want to play Russia or Sweden). I thought that since Slovakia probably won’t make it that far, you could at least keep Kane out of trouble. I speak to this more as a fan of hockey than a fan of the U.S. team. You understand right?
That brings me to my second point. I really don’t think the Olympics needs any bad press in Vancouver. I’m really hopeful that this is going to be a great Games for Vancouver, and more importantly, for Canada. Have you heard of Cindy Klassen? Don’t worry. You will. Bottom line, I’d rather the news be focused on how great Canada is, rather than the crazy adventures of the American Hockey team.
Anyways, I really hope you have a chance to enjoy Vancouver. This is your second Olympic appearance if memory serves me correctly, so take your time out there and enjoy the experience.
If you need anything from me in the meantime, I’d be more than happy to sit down and talk.
Best regards and remember to stay classy out there,