On Wednesday, the Quebec Major Junior Hockey League revealed while they don’t yet have a punishment for Patrice Cormier, they expect to have one at some point next week.
While it seems odd the QMJHL would make an announcement to announce another announcement on Cormier’s punishment is forthcoming, it’s probably something they should take their time with to ensure the right form of discipline is handed out. Cormier’s punishment presents an interesting dilemma for Commissioner Gilles Courteau and the QMJHL. Courteau needs to send a strong message to Cormier, the league, and the hockey world that this type of play cannot and will not be tolerated. However, this needs to be done in a way that doesn’t make OHL Commissioner David Branch and his previous punishments look insignificant or over the top.
Since decisions like these can be tough, I’d like to offer some suggestions to Courteau and the QMJHL, should they require additional help or advice. Below are the top 8 alternative punishments for Patrice Cormier, courtesy of Stayclassy.net:
- Have Cormier use his elbow to iron and flatten all of Sean Avery’s clothes. Even the sloppy seconds clothes.
- Send Cormier back to the World Junior Championships next year to learn how to properly captain a Canadian hockey team. While he’s there, maybe he can keep Pierre McGuire from ‘unleashing’ any more Taylor Hall-ice cream quotes.
- Have Cormier deliver a similar elbow-shot to the President of NBC for extending Jay Leno’s career after we thought he might finally retire.
- Have Cormier play for the Toronto Maple Leafs so he can learn how true pugnacity is played. Fact: I had as much trouble typing that as you did reading it…
- In a cross-promotional effort, have Cormier deliver another similar elbow-shot in a WWE fight to help promote Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s new hockey movie, “The Toothfairy”.
- Have Cormier watch the world’s worst movie once a day, every day for as many days as Mikael Tam takes to fully recover. Of course, the movie I’m referring to is Garden State.
- Have Cormier deliver two more elbow-shots to Alex Burrows and Stephane Auger for making hockey fans hear more crying and moaning from sports “professionals” than found in an episode of Jersey Shore.
- Immediately promote Cormier to the NHL to play for Pat Quinn and the Edmonton Oilers. That in itself should be punishment enough.
Stay classy, Gilles Courteau and the QMJHL.