Winning suggestions for the Carolina Hurricanes

November 3rd, 2009 by Burgundy Leave a reply »

The Carolina Hurricanes hold a 2-8-3 record and are sitting 29th in the NHL, one point ahead of the dead last Toronto Maple Leafs. But with the Hurricanes having played one more game than the Leafs and the fact that Toronto have been playing marginally better lately, it feels inevitable that the Carolina Hurricanes will sink to the bottom of the NHL standings in early November. This certainly isn’t the start many envisioned for a team that had a nice playoff run last spring and with stars like Eric Staal and Cam Ward on board.

I’m sure coach Paul Maurice and GM Jim Rutherford are thinking of everything they can do to get the Hurricanes winning. Sometimes an outside perspective can help, so I’ve decided to put together some suggestions for Paul, Jim and the Carolina Hurricanes.

  • Fire Paul Maurice, hire another coach, fire that coach and then rehire Paul Maurice again. That always seems to work for one season.
  • Get involved in the Peter Forsberg sweepstakes. It doesn’t really do anything for your team, but could help divert attention away from poor play on the ice. Oh wait. We’re talking about Carolina… riiiiight.
  • Ask the NHL to play games in Carolina only. The ‘Canes are 0-5-2 on the road and frankly stand a better chance of having their schedule reworked than winning outside of Carolina.
  • If the NHL says no to the suggestion above, ask to start all games down 3-2 with 1:25 left in the 3rd period.
  • Get Tuomo Ruutu to deliver questionable hits to divisional star players such as Steve Stamkos, Alex Ovechkin, Nick Backstrom and Ilya Kovalchuk like he did to Colorado Avalanche superstar Darcy Tucker.
  • Hold a practice that features a nice game of Naked Shootout. It didn’t really work for the Tampa Bay Lightning, but I’m very confident Rod Brind’Amour would look more graceful wearing half his gear than Marty St. Louis did.
  • Play dodgeball on the ice. Come on! Such an ingenious idea has to work for someone!
    (Note: if that doesn’t work, try these).
  • Trade your 2010 and 2011 first round draft picks to the Boston Bruins for Phil Kessel.

Stay classy, Carolina Hurricanes.

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  1. Champ says:

    I’m sorry the words superstar and Darcy Tucker are not allowed in the same sentence please revise immediately.

  2. Burgundy says:

    Bahaha, yes. The serious tone in my voice bleeds through on this post.

  3. Fantana says:

    Haha – before reading Champ’s comment, I was about to write the same thing!

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