I can see it now: The courtroom is tense and you can feel the nerves on both sides. Bones clattering together in anticipation. Days worth of legal proceedings and hours of beatings have come down to this: a decision in the case of Jan Radecki vs Patrick Kane (and cousin no one cares about).
The judge of the case has ruled Patrick Kane must … *ahem* … are you ready for this? *ahem* …
… The judge has ruled Kane must write Radecki a letter of apology. This comes after Kane plead guilty to disorderly conduct (non-criminal charge). A real tough sentence handed down to Kane. It could of been worse for the Chicago Blackhawks forward – Kane could of faced up to 15 days in prison. Yikes.
You are probably asking yourself, “What the hell would an apology letter to a 2-time DUI offender look like???” Luckily for you, Stayclassy.net has obtained an advanced copy of the apology letter. Here it is, in all its glory:
Dear Jan Radecki,
I’m sorry for the altercation that happened on the evening of August 9th. It’s one of the most shameful moments in my young life and one I won’t soon forget.
Thing is, if you had the correct change, my cousin James and I wouldn’t have had to beat you up. And let’s be honest, we got you pretty good. We even broke your 70-year-old glasses. I can’t take credit for that though, that was all James. He’s got a pretty good right hand. Very similar to my good buddy Dustin Byfuglien. Or comparable to your hometown enforcer, Andrew Peters.
Thinking about it, had James and I took out Roberto Luongo in the playoffs last year (like we did to you), the series probably wouldn’t have gone to 6 games. And we wouldn’t hate Ryan Kessler as much either.
So again, I’m sorry, but you have to understand I’m still not over losing to Detroit in the Conference Finals last year. They kicked our butts, again like we did yours. I even tried to beat up Nick Lidstrom, but he was too tough and not nearly as old as you. Also, I didn’t have James with me to help with a 2-on-1. My frustration got the best of me that night, but I needed to get it out of me, prior to the start of the USA Olympic camp. I knew Chris Chelios would be at camp and since he played a part in beating me and the Blackhawks in the playoffs, I might of ‘flipped out‘ and done something regrettable. So instead, I chose the high road and beat you up. And me and Chelly are cool, too.
Thank you for helping me avoid jeopardizing my hockey career.
Sincerely, Patrick Kane.
And there you have it, folks. Kane’s sincere apology revealed.
Stay classy, Patrick Kane