Chris Phillips Edition.
Hello all you hockey fans out there. With the lack of news, I have gone into the field to get the interviews of NHL stars out there. The only problem is, they all declined my interviews. So I have had no choice, but to completely falsify these responses.
Chris Phillips was born in 1978, in Calgary, Alberta. His parents, Rhonda and Steven Phillips met in 1976 at a family reunion in Red Deer, Alberta. Chris Joined the Ottawa Senators in 1992 as a Gatorade mixer. Within a year, he was promoted to locker room Febreze Technician, a role he held for 4 straight years. In 1997 Chris was given a chance to show his stuff as a hockey player… The only problem is, for his first year, they didn’t have hockey skates that would fit him, so he was forced to play in figure skates. Chris didn’t care; he just mastered the double sow-cow.
I’ve had a chance to catch up with Chris, in an effort to get to know him on a more personal level.
Wes Mantooth – “Chris, thank you for taking time out of summer job working at Orange Julius to meet with me today.”
Chris Phillips – “Pleasure is all mine Wes, I only have 10 minutes left on my break, and Mr. Johnson will get upset if I am late getting back to work, so this will have to keep this short.”
W.M – “OK, let’s start with; what is your favourite song?”
C.P – “Easy answer, ‘Ebony and Ivory’ by Paul McCartney & Stevie Wonder. My mom used to tuck me into bed and sing that every night as I was growing up!”
W.M – “What is your favourite restaurant?”
C.P – “I live in a 2 bedroom apartment with my wife and 3 kids, above our favourite place to eat, ‘Wok This Way’. We just can’t figure out why our pet cats keep on running away :S”
W.M – “Where was the last place you took a vacation?”
C.P – “We went to were my wife has wanted to go all her life, ‘Pecker’s Point, NFLD’. I’m still not sure why? Apparently next year she wants to visit ‘Cockland, Ohio’.
W.M – “OK, that was a little weird. Let’s finish this interview off with one last question. Finish this sentence, ‘If I weren’t a hockey player, I would be…’”
C.P – “Llama Shearer”
Well, let’s hope that hockey news starts up soon. Otherwise I will be forced to interview another NHL star. Please start submitting your requests for you would like to see interviewed.
Until next time,
Chris Phillips is a saint, A SAINT!