Russian passion tastes like McDonalds

March 9th, 2009 by Burgundy Leave a reply »

Now that the NHL trade deadline has finally passed, we can actually start talking about hockey again. We can put an end to absurd anonymous rumor bloggers and their ridiculous updates about non-existent trades.

And speaking of things non-existent… Seemingly plucked from obscurity, McDonald’s has found two never-before-heard-of hockey superstars – J.C. Petite and Sergei Puckson. Petite, Canadian puck-stopper extraordinaire, and Puckson, gifted Russian goal scorer to the max, have been heralded as overnight successes for hockey, sparking accusations McDonald’s is “making up” fictional characters for promotional reasons.

Pffft.

Now, McDonalds is clearly setting up for a 3rd and final commercial here. A final showdown between the two stars. Sidney Crosby and Alex Ovechkin, take a seat. This is the Canadian-Russian battle you’ve really been waiting for. Except, unlike Crosby, no one hates Petite, phenom goalie, or Puckson, a former star from the Russian Super Leagues. I don’t get it. Everyone seems down on Sid the kid these days. Like, more than Michael Jackson.

Eww. I won’t lie, I felt a little wrong making that joke. And hey – did you know Jacko has some sort of reunion tour thing going on this summer?

Crosby takes heat from everyone in the hockey world (everyone except Don Cherry, of all people), but let’s note the pressure and hype that surrounded Sid when he first broke into the NHL in 2005 and give him props for how he’s handled it in his first 4 pro seasons. Yes, Ovechkin had buzz and hype in his first season, but nothing like Crosby. And while I’m the first to admit Alex Ovechkin is hands down the best hockey player in the world, Crosby’s performance in Sunday’s Pittsburgh Penguins and Washington Capitals showdown was pretty gutsy. A goal and assist, plus the shootout winner deserves some kudos.

So while we’re giving Sunday’s Pens/Caps bout to Sid the kid (when will he lose ‘the kid’ title anyways?), the general vote seems to swing Ovechkin’s way. And thats cool, but who’d win the J.C. Petite/Sergei Puckson battle? To me, thats the real question. A question I’m sure many don’t have the answer to… even CSI-Miami’s Horatio Caine.

Luckily for you, I think I’ve got the answer.

Unfortunately for the Canadian readers of StayClassy.net, I’m favoring Sergei Puckson. I simply don’t think Petite can catch those high “Glove Side” shots from Puckson. To add to Puckson’s shots, I’m fairly certain the force of his slapshot would blow Petite over the goal line and into the back of the net. Also, I question the passion of J.C. Petite. Much like Ovechkin, Puckson likes to celebrate his goals in a contagious and lovable way. He loves to score. When he celebrates, he analyzes his latest terrific play. Usually with a cool rhyme, too. How cool is that? But when Petite makes saves on less fortunate players, he doesn’t celebrate. He says he’s not one to showboat, but I question his passion. Its possible Don Cherry hasn’t seen these commercials; I haven’t heard the good Puckson name on Coaches Corner yet. Its also possible Cherry doesn’t understand the value of a cool dark shaded visor. I mean, those only help you score more, as in the case of Ovechkin and Puckson… unless you are former Toronto Maple Leaf Nik Antropov. He could learn a thing or two from Puckson. Maybe Sergei Puckson should make some demonstration video’s of how awesome he is. Except, the last guy who did that after a great season ended up grounded for two games, a few weeks ago. Yup, I’m talking about Alex Kovalev – the not so good Alex.

Both Antropov and Kovalev lack that passion that could take their game to a new level – and that probably keeps them in Cherry’s good books. So to Sid and J.C. – turn the passion up and maybe you’ll win your respective rivalry’s.

And speaking of rivalry’s, I’m looking forward to Martin Gerber’s return to Ottawa when the Toronto Maple Leaf’s visit my Ottawa Senators.

Stay classy.

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